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Day day after the dreaded words "I WANT OUT"

Day day after the dreaded words "I WANT OUT"

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  • Got up early this morning so I could get some time with God and go over my dare for the day. For me the nice list was the easiest to create. Guess it is because of the love I have for her right now and I see all the good in her. One of the things on the list was "She is a good mother" and I was able to thank her for this but I was greeted with a roll of the eyes after I said it. She is still very cold and angry at me right now and says she has nothing to offer me anymore.

    We are now at the planning stages of me moving out and leaving her there with the kids for right now. I have a large saltwater reef tank that has to come down before I leave so I asked her if I can stay there until I get it down so she can watch the kids. I done this so I can be around her and continue to work the dares in hopes that she see's the change in me and my heart.

    This is starting to get hard to do when there is nothing on the other end that wants it........

  • Don't give up yet! I sense that you are struggling just as much as I am to fully grasp unconditional love. We do these things in hopes of saving what we have...but our motivation should be to do these things without expecting anything in return. I'm right there with is so discouraging to get nothing back, to feel rejected, but a promise was made to see this through, and I believe that you can do it!

  • Thanks for the positive outlook. It is nice to see something good instead of all the bad. I will push on. I never thought it would get this hard to do.

  • Yeah, the scripture that I always use to encourage myself is Luke 6:30-35.  Do good, don't expect anything in return, and expect your reward from the Lord.  He will reward you NOW, not just when we get to heaven.  Like Hanzibar said, God is trying to get us to grasp this unconditional love thing.  IT IS DIFFICULT!!!  But you can do it.  If I'm doing it, anybody can.

  • Marvin,

    I am glad to see I am not the only one that deals with this. I will truly work on myself and to do unto others as I would want done to me.

    Thanks for your kind words and support.

  • You are so right Otty... it is hard to do this when the other person truly does not want to participate... hang in there... we are in the same boat...

  • Guys I will be doing this one tomorrow and after reading your post its like you living in my house.  I guess my point is that as unfourtunate as it is for all of us to be in this posistion in a way it is comforting to know that I am not alone and that it is not that uncommon.  She told me yesterday that she was not sure that she still loves me but was not sure she could ever get "the Love back" at the same time she tells me that me trying to be nice after all this time makes her sick.  that was hard to hear we expect them to be at least a little greatfull for our efforts but all we can do is hope and pray for that day to come.

  • I'm on Day 17. It doesn't get any easier. My wife is giving me the same treatment, only difference is that I'm still living in the house and still sleep in the same bed with her. But it hurts; to know the person lying next to me, was once this warm affectionate loving person, who now has her mind and maybe heart elsewhere.

    But what I'm learning from these Love Dares, I believe I'm changing into the person my wife always wanted to be. I also understand that the focus right now is God. Not your wife. Only He can break what needs to be broken within your wife and also within you.

    Be strong my brother, were running the same race. I pray for you and the many others like us who need to go through this journey, "He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it"

  • I too am having trouble dealing with this.  My wife says that she is numb and doesn't have the love she used to.  She says she has been unhappy for 5 years.  I am at the end of my rope.  I'm not sure I will be able to continue. She says there is no hope but wants to stay in the same house till she gets things sraight

  • Stick with it. If it were that easy no one would be here.

  • I am in the same situation as you are except my husband and I are still living in the same house.  And that is only because we have children together and my moving out would mean we would have to change their schools and neither one of us wants to do that. But he has basically told me that when school is out that we need to go our separate ways and up until now we have been pretty much ignoring each other.  He wants his space to figure out what he wants and I have done my best to give it to him but every night he would pick a fight with me.  then I started this dare and I am only on day 7 today but it is slowly getting better.  I havent seen huge changes but I have started to see hope.  And it wasnt until yesterday that I saw this and it was because I had not fully given myself to the Lord and I didnt fully trust him to handle things.  Once I gave in and gave myself over to God completely I felt so much better as a person and now I know that it is in his hands. It is still hard and it will continue to be hard but with faith and God it will get better. My prayers are with you.  I hope you continue on this journey.  I know how diffiicult it is and I have wanted to quit everyday but you must keep going.


  • I have finished the Love Dare once and have started over again just to keep this fresh in my mind. Things have not gotten better between me and my wife and our divorce will be final in 35 days (but who is counting) :( but I have chosen to keep traveling down this road with Christ because I need him in my life right now and I know he will not forsake me if I trust in him.

  • On dare 40,48 hours from now I will be in court for divorce hearing but the God we serve can make away out of no way.We still live in the same  house but she says she is here just for the kids.she also she can not remember the good times in the house which is why she hates coming home.Nonetheless I still pray and cling to hope that god we bring us through.We are all in the same boat fellas.We are all daring together.

  • If there's any way you can stay in the house with your family, keep trying to do so.  I hope you can stay at least through day 30.  Best of luck and keep going? There is purpose in all of this!


  • I feel the exact same way. It is so hard when the person has made up in their mind to get a divorce.He even gave me the money to file for it. But what hurts me so much is that he has treated me badly throughout our marriage and even still it is me who desires to work things out. It is to the point where we don't live together anymore, he doesn't wear his ring, and has even cheated.  I'm beginning to think maybe this isn't worth the fight. Time for me to let  go...

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