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Re: 4th time around - She's Telling Me To Stop

4th time around - She's Telling Me To Stop

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  • I'm not new to the Love Dare. I rejected the book flat out when a couple handed it to me years ago. A year after that I attempted to dive in and only got a few pages in. Then I revisited again and I believe my wife went away on a long business trip and I put the book to the side. Then last year when I knew we were on the skids I picked it up again, but there was a bigger issue looming overhead - I wasn't working so I concentrated all my energies toward that and righted myself financially. Now here we are summer 2013 - both of my kids are away visiting grandparents and I figured NOW would be the perfect time to dive in especially since I've got a great job and God has truly been opening doors in all areas of my life, save my marriage. It has been dying a slow death that I've tried to stop. In the process of trying in vain, I became an angry and agitated man. I recently abandoned all that, begged God to help me let go of my anger and frustration and I happily began the Love Dare. Interestingly at the exact same time (with no announcement that I was doing this) my wife announced she was unhappy, has been unhappy, wants out and was very clear to point out "There is nothing you can do to fix this... I don't want to fix this... I just want to move on with the rest of my life." Talk about having the wind knocked out of your sails. Well I proceeded anyway, determined to go through the 40 days this time as I've typically dropped off just before the midway point. A day doesn't pass that my wife doesn't tell me there's nothing I can do to make this work, she has SOOO moved on, and divorce is what she wants. I've said nothing about the LD and I'm not completing the dares and saying "ta-da!" looking for some sort of acknowledgement. It's pretty bizarre, her flat out resistance to my kindness. She is adamant that she isn't cheating and equally adamant that I can't do anything for her. It's almost as if she is trying to stop me from doing the LD even though she doesn't know I'm doing the LD. I don't plan to stop but I have to be honest some days it really really hurts to have to constantly hear about what isn't and what is doesn't even matter. She grew up without a father and figures as long as we love our kids it doesn't matter if we are together. I love her and divorce isn't an option for me (as far as I know). I don't really have a complaint here. I guess I'm just really committed to seeing this process through and wanted to dive into the community to ask for prayers to work on ME as I come to truly embrace selflessness and operating in accordance with the spirit and not my flawed flesh. I'm not sure why my circumstances are as they are. I didn't cheat. She didn't cheat. Money and poor communication set us on this course and where I saw this and worked through it it appears she got to a point that her expectations were so dashed that she gave up on me but worse gave up on us and figures "she can do bad all by herself." Mind you we did weather that storm and are putting one kid through college and have enough money to do whatever we want but, at present she wants to do it all alone. I don't know what to expect from the Love Dare other than what I stated before. I want to preserve my family, protect it and thrive with my wife and kids. Society and life seems to laugh at this notion like I'm a relic. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am crazy or even wrong for wanting to fight for what I believe in versus just going with the flow and doing what everyone else is doing because it's no big deal. I feel like I have to stand for my marriage, even if no one else will. Pray for me and my walk with God as I learn unconditional love for my spouse day by day. I pray through this journey she remains my spouse.

  • The resistance your getting from her  is common.  She's thinking it's short term, a temporary change in you, it's all fake, and why should she believe you've changed suddenly, and why now?  Give that hurt to God and pray, and keep doing the dares no matter how much your struggling with the negativity.  You don't want to be the one that gave up.

    Don't listen to what the world says about marriage.  

    She may take you on a roller coaster ride, with ups and downs.  When you put Him first, and your wife second, you won't feel like a yo yo if she goes from hinting to trying to work it out to back to there is no way she wants any part of being with you.  Work on your relationship with Him because you can't change her or fix the marriage on your own.  If you can, let me know the secret!  Give her and your problems to the One who can fix things, in His time.

  • Take some time and read in the appendix. Especially the section on leading the heart. And realize that this is a journey where Christ will mold you in His image. And if you think it was a coincidence that this all happened after  you picked up the dare, I have to ask you. Do you think God wants you to put this book down? No way my friend.,

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