Collaborate without boundaries

Re: Day day after the dreaded words "I WANT OUT"

Day day after the dreaded words "I WANT OUT"

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  • Noted, Sean. Thanks for the reply.  I will get the book; else I will come up with ways of doing the dare until I get the book.  Today I was hurting again, because he dressed up really nice and went out. I don't know where.  His life is separate from me.  But I had remind myself that God is in charge and that God is on my side.  He will help me.

    Lord help.  Infidelity, breakups, are soooo painful.  Grief. Sorrow.  Don't know if people realize.  No one human being is entitled to the right to put someone else through such utter grief. What? BEcause of personality flaws?  When we both have them?  You can't put these two things in a balance and rightfully weigh them, especially because you are full of sin yourself.

    But Lord help me keep my eyese on you. Just wanted to say that.  But this evening, I reminded myself that Jesus always takes care of me.  His eyes are on my.  When my spouse hurts me, Jesus soothes me.  He is my balm.  So the reality that I have someone to be a balm for me can be so uplitfing.  Eg now I'm not feeling the pain i was feeling  a few hours ago, during the time he was getting dressed.

    I thank the Lord that I have Him as a friend Who sticketh closer than a brother.  Amen.

  • You need to go get the book ASAP. It will help you in many ways, most especially in comfort. Seeking Christ.

  • Hi, I've been married for almost 13 years and in those years my husband and I have been selfish and put ourselves first and have hurt each other without always knowing it. My husband has been a communicator and instead just shuts down and becomes numb. He has told me that he has no feelings for me and hates to come home because he doesn't want to deal with me or look at me, even though I have been fighting for our marriage for the last 2 years. I recently saw the movie Fireproof and ordered the Love Dare book. I am on day 9 and it seems like things are getting worse instead of better. My husband is working more and come home later and later. I'm not sure if he's met someone else or not. He works in construction so he will be moving to another city for 6-8 months. I will only see him on the weekends when he comes to visit our children. I don't even know how to act around my husband I am so tense and nervous all the time around him. He looks miserable every time he's around me. The dares are hard to do and it is very painful getting rejected over and over again. I feel very helpless and vulnerable, almost as if my nerves are exposed. My self esteem is very low and I find myself crying everyday. I have turned to God fully for the first time in my life and though he gives me comfort, I'm in still a lot of pain.

  • Welcome.  Please journal under the community tab, then under love dare journals.  This area you are in hasn't been seen since 2012.  Or I will try to check here if you cant find the other area.  Things will get worse before it gets better.  It did for all of us.  Do not worry about that.  Do a dare a day, no more, no less.  And above all remember this is a journey between you and Christ, not you and your husband.  it will make sense later.  When you get the book, read the appendix, especially about leading the heart.  And only read one dare a day.  Maybe even stop doing the dares till you get the book.  A lot of people on the other part of the site ready to help you.  

  • This thread seems to have been abandoned.  Many have written how they are trying and trying to win their spouse back with no satisfying results. I thought I would give you the perspective of the woman that has given up and leaving.  First I will tell you that I did leave. I am now on my second marraige and going through Dare to keep this marriage in God's hands.  My first marriage lasted 23 years. From the beginning, and I do mean the honeymoon, I felt as if I were not important to my husband.  Later in life alcohol was added to the mix.  This only made things worse. I asked him to quit and told him I would not stay if he did not. 8 years later I filed for divorce.  Could he have saved us through Dare. Yes, BUT.  The but is there because I would not have believed sincerity in his efforts.  I would have thought this was superficial. Just an attempt to get me to stay and then return to old habits.  Earlier in the thread someone stated that you need to have the attitude that this is about you and your relationship with God. So true. Once you can grow in who you are in Christ and be that new creature in Christ.... then you have something. Something to give to your spouse.  Something else that would have helped.... would have softened me....  if he would have apologized.  If he would have said, "I shouldn't have said that I never loved you",  I shouldn't have put money/alcohol/anyone above you, I shouldn't have treated you disrespectfully, with disdain and unkindness.  You see when a person tries for so long and the efforts are disregarded, they become caloused toward the nonresponsive spouse.  You should consider what has happened to harden her heart, see your own sin and confess it to God and to her.  Ask forgiveness and ask for time.  This would have made a difference to me. It would have told me that he realized his part in our demise. I would have been more receptive to his efforts. At the very least it would have opened communication (would have been a first).

    Maybe this isn't you. Maybe you have done everything perfectly.  Or so you think.  I had to take a serious look at myself to realize my sin in my previous marraige.  I had to see those things that we don't think of as sin (self-pity, selfishness, pride, bitterness, fear, doubt etc) I know my part but I could not save us. He would not hear me.  

    I hope this helps some one save their marriage.  Divorce is horrible for the family, for the kids.


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