I spent some time this morning reading through the journals that I had written at the beginning of the journey. The emotion was so raw that I couldn’t get through much of it. I was completely exposed at that time… everything inside me had been stripped away. I was just in awe… that’s what it takes to be reborn. I know that I still have so far to go, but I was reminded right then just how far I’ve already come. This journey that seemed so impossible in the beginning. My marriage is still in limbo, but I’m not. I’m moving forward. Whatever happens next, I am not alone and I am ready for it.
I read through the places that I was going to add margin in my life. For the most part, I have stuck to them. I take time every morning to spend alone with God. Just the two of us. I do my devotion, read my Bible, spend a few minutes in prayer. I haven’t been as good about doing this at night. I spend time in prayer before bed every night, but I’m not great about doing my daughter’s devotion with her every night. On weekends, I spend time in the middle of the day in prayer, but I don’t always find quiet time for it during my work day.
The first time through the dares, I made margin for my family. I talked to the friends that I spend the most time with and let them know that I wouldn’t be available as much to spend time with them. I have one weekday off every week. I have been spending time with one or two friends on that day. There are all extremely supportive of the change in my schedule. I took a break from praise band for the summer, and now the time has come for me to make the decision about how much time I am going to dedicate to praise band. I will tell our worship leader this week that I am going to do only one of the contemporary services, and just fill in on the other if needed. I talked to one of the other girls about it last week, and she wanted to do the other service, so it should work out.
When I first started out on this journey, I was afraid to take a step in any direction. I paused my life completely. I stopped doing my work for school, dropped all ministry, backed away from my friends and parents. Now, I’m ready to start adding things back into my life. I’ll go slow and just add in a little at a time. My schedule before was everything and then family. My schedule now is family and then everything else… that is family after God. He is now front and center of where I’m spending my time.
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