Very hard today. My husband didnt come home last night. He told me he was going to work that afternoon but he never came home.
Day 6 was to give margin for things that make one stressed. The margin was for me to not call and ask where he is. It happened before and i know that it will lead to him using my anger for him not beign home as extra fuel to justify his actions.
I called once and when he did not answer, i left it at that. Usually i'd be trying till dawn.
It's such a blow.
I just prayed all night for God to fill me with His love because i will never get the love i need from my spouse.
I just prayed all night long.
I am starting to see him the way people saw him when i married him. Every day in the dare, its like i am seeing the real him, the person people said "your marrying that guy?" You know, i am starting to see him for who he really is and not what I am believing God to make out of him and I must say, i dont like the person that I see at all. He leads a double life, unrealiable and playful not ready to be a husband and settle down.
the other day he said that when we have kids, things will change. I said there are levels of change. The change from single to married and married to parenthood.
My husband wants the married status but lives a single life.
I really hate his freind because they are no good for each other. they bring out the worst behavior in eachother and as long as my husband can be his freind, he is willing to do anything to please my husband even be freinds with the women my spouse sleeps around with.
I am praying for God to help me not have hartred in my heart for this freind of his. He is single, has a son whom his mother is raising and as long as he send money home, thats parenthood for him and my husband totallt agrees. I know it takes two, i just dont know why God is allowing all this pain to transpire in my life and why he is pleased to see my home be torn apart
In my spouse, I am seeing a person that he really is and I tell you, if I saw then what i see now, i never would have married this man.
So that was the dare, not to through my self in a frenzy calling him all night.
Well, it the morning of day 7 , I am in the office. I sit a reception and have to smile at everyone that come in. I am so ...... oh well..
Why do you think Christ is pleased to see your home torn apart?
I am sure this is not your first time calling upon Christ in your life. Just like all of us here in the dare, we always thanked Him for his help and was like see you next time I need ya!
Now Christ is waiting patiently on you. You wanted to do things your way, not His. So He has allowed you to do that. And now you want to blame Him for the outcome?
Now Christ has given you this journey to walk with Him, and this time He will mold you in His image. He will teach you to live as He intended, the real question is are you able to set aside the things of this world and do it. In the dare you have read we have a jealous God, and if you place your sand before Him, where do you think that will leave you in this journey? Dependence on your husband to fulfill your voids, and all the time you have been married that has not happened. Now it is time to put God first and trust Him and He will give you that comfort.
I am really sorry for what I said.
This is all my doing.
I have come into this dare with so much baggage.
Forgive me Lord for all that I have said and all that has become of me.
Lord help me, it is tme that i put You first.
Help me to understand that, please help me Lord.
Don't be sorry. You are just starting a journey with Christ. These are the things Christ will humble you about. That is all a part of walking with Christ. What I hope you understand is that was not an attack on you and I would never do that, but I will hold you accountable for things as I am required to do, so that you can see these things and learn from them, and allow Christ to mold you more in His image each day...
amen, thank You Lord.
Praise Him always