I know everyone says its going to get worse before it gets better, well, everyone must be right.
Today, the dare is to not say anything irritating and to really focus on myself and trying to find my own problems that irritate her and fix them.
My wife and I had not spoken at all today, untill around 2pm. I asked her "how are you?", she didnt reply. Then I said, "i have been thinking about you today. Let me know if you need anything.. I miss seeing you". She still didnt say anything.
About 45 minutes later, I told her that I was taking $500 out of our shared accounts and putting the money into my new personal checking and savings account. She already did this but only took $25 so i told her that she could take the other $475 whenever she wanted. I feel like I made another mistake by even bringing this up. Of course she now answers me right away, she said,"So im taking what I get paid tomorrow and the $475 on top of that?"
I kind of got a little fired up when she said this, but I tried so hard not to show it in my reply. I said," no. you need to help me pay for this months utilities at the house. You are not sticking me with all of this." She said,"well yeah. I know."
Here is where I know I made a mistake.
I said," Dont even try to get unfair, you know my entire last paycheck stayed in our shared accounts".. she said," i know! holy crap"
That is where I got irritating to her, i wasnt successful to this days dare and I feel horrible about it. I thought things were starting to get better.
She then said, "you act like i am trying to screw you over." I said, "i dont know what your plans are now, u havent really talked to me about all of this lately."
She said," im not going to screw you over".
I then was flipping through my pocket notebook that I have been carrying with me for over a year now. I flipped to the last page and found where my wife had wrote "I LOVE YOU! - Chelsey :)" diagonally across the page before I went away to training for 6 months. I took a picture of it and sent it to her. She replied, "Sweet". I asked her, "do you remember doing this before I went to tech school?" She said, "Yea"... I sent a :(.
Then as I was leaving I sent her a text that said, "i hope you have an easy night tonight. I miss you". She replied, "stop saying those things to me"
That reply from her just absolutely made me want to break down right there in my car again. But I held it together. This is the venom that Sean was talking about and I refused to let it get to me. I just replied, "why? I am just being honest with you".... and that is all that was said today so far.
Yes, I was irritable to her today, but I didnt give up on the real challenge and that was actually attempting to do this. Not giving up. She obviously know and understands I am still here for her. That idea is still in her mind somewhere. I have become closer to God though, I pray to him everyday to guide me in the right direction and lead me to do what is right. I am no longer following my heart either, when I was doing that I was constantly being hurt and put down by her. I am better than that though.
Many, many, men have been in your shoes, I’ve been there, no doubt these are tough times. Part of your struggle is "Pride", it makes us men think "this can’t be happening to me", "I can fix this". You might not want to hear this but you can not “fix” your wife. Nothing you say or do right now will flip the switch to the way things were (and you don't want it to be like it was anyways; if things were great before we wouldn't be where we are now). It took me at least 3 times thru the dares to learn that. And believe me I tried everything! (I’m and engineer – fixing is what I do - don't pull out the wedding/honeymoon pictures, trust me on that one).
Stick with the dares – when you get the urge to do more, don’t (pursuing your wife for selfish reasons will only push her further away), when you feel like quitting, don’t (learning to love unconditionally is gods plan for husbands Eph 5:25). What you will discover is that the dares are a Journey between you and Christ – And you will find peace.
And when the dark days come put on the armor of god and pray for strength (Ephesians 6:10-13) and check out the Lifehouse Everything Skit on youtube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA (once you turn to Christ he will never let you go!!!)
Stick to the dares... Focus on what Christ is doing, and when not praying, Praise!