Collaborate without boundaries

Day 6: should I discuss it to her or keep it to myself?

Day 6: should I discuss it to her or keep it to myself?

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  • i’m wondering if I will just keep this list to myself or discuss it to her if she let me talk to her tonight. I feel like she’s still not ready to talk to me for consecutive days. I already talked to her last night about the last dare. Do you think it is to talk to her about todays dare? I’m afraid to be rejected and that’s actually my worse fear in life, rejection. 

  • If the date says to talk to her, that's what you do.  Do a date a day, no more no less.  Do the dates as they are intended to be done.  Do not change the dates.  You will find I mostly repeat myself.  It is scary...but you have God on your side.  So what's to fear?  Put God way above her.  Not loving her less.  Take her off the pedestal.  Place Good on the pedestal.  And you will find His comfort.  She may not respond or even get mad.  But that's not the goal to get her to respond.  The first goal is to trust God through the fear and do the fare.  You can do it.  We all have felt what you have.  The ones that do the dates are the ones who eventually find peace.  Find peace do every date.

  • I did a reflection to self on this dare. I realized that everything was lead on to one problem to another. Pride leads to jealousy, jealousy to lust, lust to selfishness, selfishness to greed, greed to bitterness. All of this is just one problem but I have done all of this. Led me to this question. How did I not even realized that I was doing wrong in my life? How is it that I got lost in my faith to God? How come I didn’t find God til this happened? My life has been wrong. It has been in the wrong path so long I didn’t even realized I was on the wrong side.

    I’m glad my brother introduced me to this community and the book. Whatever is the outcome of my mess, all I can say is I’m building a relationship with God to make my self better. I just pray to God that he will help and guide me to keep me going to do better for my wife and kids.

  • I have a question. I shouldn’t be telling her that I’ve been praying, right? But I could always ask her to pray with me if she’s willing.

  • The world teaches us at an early age to be selfish, to have pride.  And as you pointed out, pride leads to an aweful lot of sin.  

    With what the world teaches, what our fleshy, selfish desires are, and evil's influence, we leave God out of our  lives so often.  But He can get our attention quickly when we run into a trial.

    And many of us get in a trial, ask God for help, God helps us, then we say, Thanks God, I'll talk to  you next time I need you.  

    do the dares as they should be done and you will be molded and wont leave Jesus till the next time you need Him.

    About telling  her you are praying.  Many of us would tell our wives we are praying for  selfish reasons.  So that we can tell them we are changing and leading a better life.  Or in the hopes that they begin praying  on their own.  So, I guess it depends what your motivation is  to tell her.  Never be ashamed of praying.  And always be a testimony to God  or prayer when it is a good time to do so.  But for now, maybe just don't bring up you are praying.  But, if you are being called to ask her  to pray for her  benefit, and not to benefit you, you can ask her to pray with you.  But sometimes we just want them to pray not so they grow in Christ, but so that they soften their hearts for us.  

  • To add to  the above message, just as your  brother was a testimony to you and lead you to this site and the  book, when you are called to be a testimony or to share Christ, do so.  It may be hard or uncomfortable at first, and many people will not listen or may even mock you.  but, we are all called to bring our  brothers and sisters to Christ.  

    did your brother do the dares?  is he still doing them?  how's his marriage and walk with God?

  • He did the dares too. He’s marriage is doing great. He do the dares even now that they are doing good. He’s situation is not as worse as mine though. My wife is so decided that her feelings are gone and no coming back. But I’m still not giving up. Today we went to church together with our kids. Althought we went our separate ways after, she went to the mall and we(me and kids) went home. She went to the mall, I guess just to have her space and be away from me even for a couple of hours. Well, going to church was enough for me even if she couldn’t tell me the Peace be with you part. I was still glad she came with us today. I also did my confession before the mass. I believe that if I want to reconcile with my wife I have to first reconcile with God. Thank you for your replies.

  • That's great she went to mass and you went to confession.  If you don't, try to make confession something you do ever 2 months or something like that.  Decide if you should go 4 times a year, or every other month or once a month.  If you start out going every 4 months, then after a while narrow it down to every two months, or something like that.

    If your brother journaled, ask him how to journal in the Community section, under the Love Dare journal section.  More people read that section and it is a little easier for me to respond there.  If not, that's ok.  I try to hit this section too.

  • I did reply above on this post as well as your other post you did yesterday.  I think about dare 8.

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