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Re: day 5 and 6

day 5 and 6

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  • I've been following along in the the Love Dare and the first few days have gone well. Day one was the turning point and day two and three were equally rewarding in my own self work as well as my relationship with my husband.

    In fact when I called him unexpectedly, he was pleasantly surprised. Yesterday though, Day 5 was tough. He initially fought against my request and said that he was apprehensive because for the last 6 months I have been defensive and the last 6 weeks I've hated his guts and to see me change my attitude over the last week was unexpected and he's not sure how to handle that.

    Then last night, he said he'd get back to me about my request and agreed to fulfill it. We currently live separately. He moved out 6 weeks ago when I discovered that he was continuing his emotional affair with a colleague. (I discovered it 6 months ago and we were in therapy to make it work. When I discovered it again 6 weeks ago, that was it. And i kicked him out of the house and when I then asked to try to work on our marriage he said that he wanted a separation. He has agreed to see a therapist and I am seeing one separately as well. He has said that he feels it's over but wants time to sort through things. His exact explanation: "Today I don't feel like I want to come back but I don't know how I'll feel in 6 months."

    So back to yesterday, Day 5 - he called to say goodnight to our daughter and I asked him how he was doing and he said he wasn't okay. I asked if there was anything I could do and he said no. He then said that me being supportive is making this process hard for him because as he said "the more supportive you are, the harder it is to see for myself if this is what  I want."

    So now, I'm onto day 6 and I'm not sure what to do. Am I pressing too hard? Should I continue on this challenge? Or am I just pushing him away?

  • Welcome.  Look at this as only a journey between you and Christ, not you and him.  He will be used  as a tool to mold you.  YOu will be humbled but that has purpose.  Do a dare a day, no more, no less.  Things will get worse before it gets better.  This too has purpose.  Have no expectations of him reacting to the dares.  In fact, he may react negatively to your kindness when doing a dare.  Because he will be frustrated, thinking, why wasn't she doing this all along, or thinking this is a ruse to win me over, then she will go back to her old ways.  Doing the dares is a way to build your testimony, which will take time for him to believe is the new, real you.

    If you do only a dare a day, without the extra texts, phone calls, etc, it won't be enough to push him away, or you to push to hard,  but will be enough for you to grow in Christ.  Dont read ahead in the book other than the appendix, especially about leading the heart.  

    Yes, you should continue this, why quit on your journey with Christ?  Try journaling next in the love dare journal section, under the community tab.  Click on your name and then click on the love dare journal section.  Sorry, those directions may not be real helpful.  If you can't find that area, come back here.  But the other area is read more and this area is often overlooked.

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