6 – Love is not Irritable
“Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your
marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.”
I have been staying at my parents since my husband left on
Monday. I decided I was going home today since I have a long weekend, so last
night and this morning before walking into the house I spent time in prayer
asking for strength, wisdom, and comfort. I wasn’t expecting my husband to be
there, but sure enough he was. Since working graves, he was still sleeping, so
I kept myself busy praying constantly. I then heard my husband on the phone with
someone about a place to live. This was very hard to overhear - his actions
continuing to move forward towards divorce. Once he hung up I went to sit by him in bed. I
asked how he was doing, that I had missed and loved him, that I was not giving
up, and still fighting. He didn’t say anything, but that is okay. I said my
feelings and knew that was all I could do at this point - time to give it to
God. Yes, there is so much more I would like to say (i.e. don’t be making such
a rash decision while feeling hurt), but felt it was not the time.
Today was a turning point for me. It was the first day in
the last two months of fighting for my marriage where it really hit me that I
HAVE to give this up to Him. I have no other choice. The strength I have had
each day to continue is from Him. Why not give it to the Man that is bigger
than all of this?!?
My husband ended up leaving for the day. It is obvious he
does not want to be around me, so leaves for hours. I quit questioning where he
is going or when he will back. I strive, with God’s help, to not worry about
where he is at or what he is doing.
In day’s past I would be an emotional mess begging him not
to leave. I would obsess about trying to figure out what he has been doing or
who he has been talking to. This leads into where I need to reduce the margin
and increase the margin in my life – reduce = control and increase = quality
time with the Lord (always could have more time for this!).
The motivation for control is to reduce the hurt my husband
has been causing me since I think knowing what is going on is going to make me
feel better, but that has led me to even more hurt. The decision made today –
to not obsess about his phone, or computer, or where he was going.
The motivation for
quality time with the Lord is to become closer with Him, to truly learn what
patience, unconditional love, and forgiveness is about, and to know the beautiful
God Jesus knows. I am learning with each day that my comfort is only in Him and
that my inspiration to keep going is through Him. A couple of my News Year’s
resolutions are to read the Bible in a year and do daily devotions. It is
amazing how my perspective has changed on life’s happenings since I’ve started
doing those daily, writing in my peaks/pits/praise/prayer journal daily, and now
starting The Dare wholeheartedly. God is good no matter what is taking place. I
am confident that with time because of Him, this heart ache I am experiencing
daily will dissipate.
This is where Gods work in your husband will cause conviction and guilt. So your testimony becomes more important each day.
Day 6 Love is not irritable.
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Jenn Marie: As i read your dares everyday i am so amazed on how much i think like you and our similarities. I too at the beginning of the year said i wanted to read the bible in the year and grow closer to Him. But since my separation I have lost my way. I was doing it for a fasting for church and then I stopped. My emotions got the better of me.
Yesterday at church I asked the pastor to pray for me. I went to him and truthfully told him I don’t know how to do this. How to come to God. He said he didn’t either and I broke down in tears. He asked me what I felt I needed. I said Healing. He prayed so much and hard for me that I thought I was going to collapse from the emotion I was feeling.
I know I can not control this situation. I think that is my biggest down fall. I want to control everything and everyone but I can’t do that. I have to let God take control and I just have go along with it. Where I need to add margin in my life is in my devotion and prayer. I have strayed so far away from it. My “spouse” and I haven’t fought in a few weeks. We fought last because I felt that he was being so rude and disrespectful towards me about everything. Since then we just talk calmly about things. He is going through job problems and I try to give him my insight. When he told me he moved out it hurt like no other, but I know he needs to go through this. As much as I want to knock sense into him about the job situation and what I feel he needs to be doing as oppose to what he is doing now I just don’t even say anything. There is no reason to fight over something so small and stupid. I just tell him we will figure it out.
As for wrong motivations, I need to stop using this Love dare as a fixer to my relationship and know it’s a connection to God for myself. I have also given the love dare to my aunt who is going through some stuff, but I told her it’s for her not for them. I hope I can help her in her journey as well. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. I have faith as little as a mustard seed, but my faith says He will heal me. Then I know he will heal me.
I appreciate you sharing your heart. I do not know how I would be getting through all of this without the journey of the Love Dare. It is what keeps me going each and everyday because of how Christ is molding me through this journey. As you can see it took me about a week to fully realize that this journey is NOT about winning my husband back, but my relationship with Christ, which is why I say that this particular day (day 6) was a turning point for me because I realized that I do NOT have control of any of this. I still have my moments even as I am on Day 16 and I am sure I will throughout this whole journey, but those moments are fewer and fewer as I continue to just give it all to God and TRUST in His will.
You mention you have faith as little as a mustard see right now - know that little faith is better than no faith. Jesus said that having faith the size of a mustard seed can do miracles. [Matthew 17:20]
I look forward to sharing this journey with you and reading more of your posts.
As I am sure Jenn can tell you. It will get worse with your spouse... But in this journey, you are not looking as a fix it with him, you are coming to realize that it is a fix it with Christ.
You will come to a dare where there is a legitimate jealousy... One that Christ has for you. We need to make things right with Him first, before we can ever make things right with others. And we must love Him first in order to love others better.... Take advantage of this journey and allow Christ to mold you each day more in His image.
That little faith you think you have is in reality so much bigger than you will realize.
And as things you think get tougher... Know this. It is because you are growing more in Christ.