Well, today is Day 6 for me. I am amazed in the last week I have gone from such bitterness and anger toward my husband to such peace and love in my heart. After our last counselor appointment last week and she suggested this book, I decided I was done with carying around the hurt, anger and resentment toward my husband. Reading this book and prayers everyday are bringing me closer to God. I can feel it.
My story: My husband announced 6 weeks ago that he is no longer in love with me and can not deal with his issues with me any longer. Mainly, that I don't take care of myself (exercise and maintain healthy weight), no affection in our marriage, no chemistry, unattracted to me and he thinks about other women and cheating all the time. Whew, that was an ego buster. I was angry, resentful, bitter, hurt, sad and wanted to run away from everything. He is also feeling lots of guilt for an affair her had with my " best friend" 10 years ago--something we moved on from but never really got over. So now 10 years later with a beautiful 6 year old little girl, here we are. He agreed to goto couples counseling and we did. We have had 3 sessions but he can not commit to being in the marriage. He thinks he wants to move out but can't decide. I want to work on the marriage. I want to work through our issues-his with me and mine with his. I want to move on from the past and not dwell on what we should have done. He can't seem to get out of the misery and anger. He just wants to rehash what is wrong with me over and over. he is now also going to individual therapy where she pretty much asked him what he was waiting for to leave--everything he says leads him to that decision. He says he does not want to destroy our family. He announced yesterday that "his heart was telling him God wanted him to leave"............what? He says he "prayed for us and me and his prayers were not answered." Well of course they weren't. He prayed with bitterness and disrespect. He still is on the fence about leaving and I continue with my journey.
Last night when we talked, for the first time I felt at peace and was able to listen, speak kindly and remain calm. It felt wonderful. Of course I had to write the words peace, calm, slow to anger 100 times in my journal before we spoke. The weird thing is he did not understand why I was so calm. I had been so angry these last few weeks. it was like he was trying to get me to get angry. He said I must not care anymore and I act like everything is perfect. Neither of those is true. I just choose to love him. I forgive him for his past and I forgive me for not being the wife he deserved. I want to move forward with my relationship with God and to become a better person. I thanked God for giving me the strengh to remain calm and kind with him during our talk.
I still struggle though. How do I continue to be patient when he keeps going away for a day or two at a time to "think." How do i explain these things to my daughter? How do I handle questioning myself about choosing to love and be patient without feeling used by him and feeling like I am "putting up with crap"? As calm and peaceful as I feel, I still struggle with these things? How do I try to protect and prepare myself and my daughter for the worst while praying for the best?
Thanks for any suggestions-
and how does one say I am his best friend, the best thing that ever happened to him and he would hate himself forever over ending our marriage while saying the other things too? I don't understand.
First, all prayers are answered. When people say my prayer was not answered, it was just not answered the way they wanted. Which makes a great point. We will con our own prayers to justify our hearts desires. And saying that God wants him to leave is a dangerous thing. That is in a way mocking God and being a false testimony.
In the back of the book in the appendix is a tremendous section on Leading your heart. I recommend reading it.
You need to understand this is a journey with you and Christ. Not you and your husband. He is just a tool that is used.
Yes he will try to fight and argue. Remember as you grow in this journey Christ will also work on him. And he will not understand many things. The conviction, the forgiveness, the kindness. You will be taking away everything he has to justify his leaving. Which will upset him and make him react. He will try to force you to go back the way you were.
But as you leave all the things at Christs feet, you will overcome them all.
Thank you! You are right, I do need to remember this is a journey with Christ and myself. I know that but sometimes I get sidetracked. I have read the appendix several times and read that section over and over and will continue to do so.
Thank you so much for your response! Working Day 7.........
Remember, you are also in a battle with the flesh. You used to control everything in your life based on selfishness. And now you are changing that. It will be hard, but you will be blessed.