Collaborate without boundaries

Day 5 - What a disaster

Day 5 - What a disaster

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  • I am in a different boat than most of you.

    I am not yet married. I'm engaged. My fiancee and I are both doing the dare at her suggestion not to resolve problems but to be better prepared for marriage. But this dare was terrible.

    When I read it I dreaded it. We do communicate things and discuss them, so this method was horrible. And I knew it would cause problems. I wasn't even sure what to say to be honest. The dare makes sense for a couple with one partner trying to get better, for a couple like us to not actually discuss the issues is just a bad idea. But my fiancee wanted to do what the dare said.

    So, as I dreaded both ends she finally said "I'm just going to text you my thoughts". See did, and while one of them stung, they were all legitimate. Then I did mine. I didn't want to do it by text because we tend to have trouble communicating serious things in that way.

    Of the three one affected her. I could tell all day something had, but didn't know what. And then today I figured it out.

    I have problems at work. Some really awful things have happened. My fiancee cannot stand who I work for because of the horrible way they have treated me as well as my co-workers. So many times she, realizing that talking about work has a negative impact on both of our moods, she asks me not to talk about work. I agree with that. But, she will continue to talk to me about her work, and while the situations are different, I have issues with her job as well, and I feel that discussing her work detracts from our time as much as mine.

    At first, she shut down on the topic. But once we discussed it I saw the problem. Because I had communicated poorly by text she felt I was saying I didn't ever want to hear about her job, but what I meant is that if we are saying not to talk about mine for a while, it should go both ways. And while she has grudgingly said she accepts that is not what I mean, what she said she would do, and I believe still intends to do, is never talk about her work. I don't see how we can be married and I don't know what is going on in such a huge part of her life.

    Now I don't know what to do. She doesn't want to talk about it. I am hoping she will calm down, as she usually does, but I am mad that with such a serious dare the authors could not offer more guidance than "Don't justify your actions". This needed discussed, and that reads like you shouldn't ever discuss anything brought up in that dare. 

    And to then follow it up with a dare with no interaction with your mate?

  • You are missing the entire point.

    This dare, married or not, is based on unconditional love. And as you can see you both are putting conditions on it.

    First and foremost. You must understand that these dares are actually between you and Christ. This is where you will start to build in trusting Christ. You do the dares as they are intended, not manipulated as you think her response will be bad.

    You are right though, this should not be done through text. Through texting, you can never give the emotion that words give.

    And getting married, you need to be as one. So with your concern, she needs to support you. As you will see in upcoming dares.

    One very important thing. Take some time and read in the appendix. Especially the section on leading the heart.

    You both also need to see that this dare is pointing something out. And most certainly these 3 things are most likely from a selfish point of view.

    Take some time, and if she is willing to sit and discuss this. And maybe pray together about it before you get started.

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