Wow, lately I decided to take a break from my partner and be with my family, hoping that the space would cause us to miss each other and WANT to be together. It caused my partner to question my commitment to him and further question whether or not I'm in this and still want to be with him. I spent a good hour trying to tell and show him different but he is steadfast on his thinking so I left him alone and said to him the God will show you what I fail to do. Then I ask him if he is still fasting and he says no, so naturally I say 'i think its messed up for you to stop fasting and not tell me. I thought we were in it together.' That was all he needed, he blew up accusing me of whatever he could think of then says I'm not interested in talking anymore, I'll talk to you tomorrow. After that fight, I thought I would be hurting so much but no, in fact NOTHING. For some reason I really do feel nothing, I dont even want to continue with the dares but I made a commitment to them and I will see them through till the end. If nothing changes then so be it but I'm not giving up. As for fighting with him, ahhhh I'm not involved anymore. I do not feel the responsibility to fighting and arguing with him especially now when I know that God began a GREAT work in me, lol my partner will fight himself. The only thing that I willing to do is fight FOR us not against.
Back to journalling about the dares
That day, because I was away I decided to make time to call him and check up on him. Usually I don't care enough to willingly do it without there being a valid reason. It felt good talking to him with love, this is one dare that I will keep doing even if he doesn't.
I again called him for the better part of the day then decided to surprise him by showing up at the movies. We had a long chat and I felt like even though we keep fighting we are getting better. God has begun something great in us and even if we break up I know that the work that God has done in us will last eternally. Bless you Lord!!!!! oh yeah :-D
Today's dare began without me having even read the dare or even asked him what are the things that I do that cause him to be uncomfortable. He sent me a very long bbm telling me of all my flaws, how i hurt him, how tired he is, how much he is beginning to no longer want to do us etc. I just asked him to call me and left him there. I wont lie I'm extremely irritated but I know that God is still on the throne and whatever happens I will still live to see another day. I don't know if all this is just a sign of indifference or what.....
listening--- He says that I do not listen to him, I blame him for everything and I do not take the time to listen or even allow him to have the freedom to talk to me.
rehashing the past----- He says that I always find a way to bring up the past and bring up all of his flaws
attention--- He says I do not give him enough attetion and love
I'm not forgiving--- He says that I should forgive the things that he did to me.
God please help me with the above, change me please.
oh and can anyone please tell me if there is a spot on this site for counselling? I really believe that I need to talk to somebody and do the dares. He sent me a text saying maybe we should break it off cause we are not listening to each other.
I'm losing it now, he refuses to listen to anything I say to him, he always feel entitled, and treats me like a dog basically. Somebody please explain to me how I can even begin to continue being with a man that shows his love for me by cheating, lying, flirting, fighting and humiliating me. How can I continue with such a man. he thinks that he is right. I have to beg him to love and gie me some attention. WHY AM I HERE! I WAS RIGHT WHEN I SAID 'I WANT OUT, I WANT OUT SO BADLY' I REALLY DO. Everyday he gives me a reason to want out. He is not a good man. I dont want to do this anymore.
Just adding, he just sent me a text saying that maybe we should call it off cause clearly we are not listening to each other. oh wow
First... These are games of the world. He is as are you... Following his heart. Not in the sense that you think. Following the heart is truly a selfish thing. It causes you to react at the situation of the moment without thinking or out of spite.
Read in the appendix about leading your heart. As for counseling, I am here everyday for any quesitons you may have.