I was nervous about this one. Not because I didn't want to hear what she had to say, but, as I've said in my previous posts, we're not having problems right now, so for me to ask something like this out of the blue would raise a red flag in her mind I was afraid. Sunday (yesterday) was the day I was suppose to do this one. We went to church yesterday morning, and I kept thinking of a way to bring it up or some way to bring it up in conversation, but the opportunity never arose. She's always so focused on getting the kids up and ready for church and watching the time and getting herself ready and getting all of us out the door on time. By the time we leave, she usually has worked herself up to a frenzy. I tell her all the time that she shouldn't take all the responsibility for everybody. I'm always telling her let me help her, but rather than making the family responsible for their actions (getting ready for church, getting ready on time, picking up, whatever), she accepts the responsibility for worrying about everybody else's responsibility (does that make sense?). So she's worked herself up by the time we leave for church. I try to help by getting the kids moving along, making sure they go get dressed when they're suppose to, etc. Anyway, that's a tangent. Back to the subject. Point being of all that, I never could incorporate the question into what limited conversation we had yesterday morning.
I kept thinking all through church how to do it. I really couldn't come up with anything. I knew when we got home I would have to at least introduce the idea to her so she could think about it. When we got home, she wanted to lay down for a nap, so before I left her in the room, I told her I wanted her to think about something and tell me later. I told her I wanted her to think of 3 things I do daily that drives her crazy, irritates her, or makes her uncomfortable. Of course, she immediately questioned me. She asked me what brought that up. I told her I was just thinking about it and wanted to know. She said something had to have happened to have brought that up and I was thinking something. I told her honestly, nothing was wrong, I just wanted to be a better husband and better person for her and that was all. I don't want her to know I'm doing the 40 dares, at least not yet, so I didn't want to tell her the whole reason, so I was trying to come up with something to tell her that was truth without having to lie to her. I don't think she believed me and still thought something was up.
When she got up, she had a few errnads to run for my son's birthday party. Then, I went over with the kids where his party was at, enjoyed the party, came home, had 30 minutes before it was time to go to church, and then left for church. When we got home, she got on the computer, I sat with the kids a little, then I got a migraine and just couldn't stand it. She insisted I go to bed. I resisted at first, but it just kept getting worse, so I finally gave in. I buried my head under a pillow - the weight on my head felt good and it blocked out more light and sound.
So, she never did tell me anything, but that doesn't mean she wasn't going to. I don't know if she would have or not if I hadn't got a migraine. I have a feeling she wouldn't have. But, that's OK. I'm learning from the book to do the dares without any expectations of a response in return. I know of a couple things I think she would say. I'm a procrastinator - I tend to put things off and not do them or start things and not finish them. I'm also forgetful - as I proved in my previous post about forgetting about taking her to the Melting Pot. Even if she never tells me anything, I'm at least going to work on those areas.
One thing I'm learning, both through this book and through the training system through my other business we're involved in, is this: when you're in a marriage or relationship, work on the only person you can change and that is yourself. There's nothing you can do to change your spouse. That's something that is their decision to make. You can only work on yourself. I was tempted to think of the things that she does that drives me crazy, and I could think of some, but that's not the point of this exercise. I'm working on changing me, not her.
You did it great. And you did not lie to her. You want to be a better husband and that would be an important question. The best part is that you are good enough to humble yourself and not force an answer. But you took it upon yourself to think of what things she has complained about in the past.
When you complete these 40 days. And you tell her about it. There is a book that is called the love dare day by day which is a full year of devotions for couples. You should look into that.
I've seen that. I was thinking about checking that out.