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Re: Day 5- There is hope.

Day 5- There is hope.

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  • I am on day 5. My wife and I had planned to take a little overnight trip before we seperated, Im a musician and I had a show out of town that she planned to accompany me to. I went alone( this was day 4) but I told her when I got back I needed to stop by and do some laundry and shower. She has been amiable about it but still emotionally guarded. I got there in the morning expecting her to be asleep but she was awake and watching TV. I caught her off guard and she was irritated that I was there so early as she expected me in the afternoon. She wanted to leave while I was there but I persuaded her to stay and I asked her the 3 things. I listened and made note. I apologized sincerely for everything and pledged to be better and she told.me this program doesnt matter because she believes I will quit. She believes that if she lets me back that I will go back to the way I was. I replied that I have made a commitment I am choosing to go to church again for the first time in 14 years and it was a great experience.  She had many heated words for me and because I vowed not to say anything unkind and the dare was not to make excuses I tried to comfort her but she didnt want to touch me or me to touch her so I respected that. I offered a hug but she refused again. She said I could stay while I did my laundry but that she will go upstairs and take a nap because our conversations were so draining. She has reconnected with a male friend from high school going through similar marital problems, which makes me uncomfortable(which I expressed) but she tells me she isnt ready to date or start any kind of new relationship with anyone. Im still worried but I am praying for strength and the will to perservere.  I watched "Fireproof" again while I was downstairs, I needed something to uplift me because I was feeling so hopeless. I left the house briefly to pick up my mother from work and we picked up some sodas on the way home. I got her favorite and decided I would give her space for the day. I am picking up our kids later and will be spendig time with them at our home while she goes to the gym. I went upstairs to give her the soda and a letter I had written(I have been writing her hand written notes for the last few weeks nearly everyday) and when she answered the door I gave her the soda and told her I was leaving until I get the kids. She had obviously been crying and then something great happened-she hugged me and apologized for being so hurtful and angry earlier. She expressed concern about me not wearing my kneebrace(I have knee problems and I work a very physical dayjob). I hugged her and told her not to apololgize and gave her the letter I wrote.  I feel more hopeful again. I was feeling very bad and considering quitting but I think that was God's way of saying "See? The love is there, keep going". I made a commitment to her and to this challenge and I wont quit. I wont give up on the love of my life. I will trust God to build me up and show me the way. 

  • Welcome to this community.  Try to journal often, but i suggest journalling under The Community section.  This section doesn't get read very often.  

    Rember this journey you are on is between you and Christ, not you and your wife.  She will be used as a tool for you to grow in Him.  

    As you do a dare a day, don't worry about not getting any reaction or a negative reaction.  

    With her talking to a male friend.  Let that burden go.  Leave that to Christ to deal with.  

    It's great you went to church.  Also make sure you find time each day to spend some time in prayer.  Preferably before your day starts.  

    As she shows concerns for you or gives hints things aren't hopeless, don't take more comfort from that than knowing that Christ is there for you always.  And if she stops showing that she is caring for you, do not be alarmed.  Things frequently get worse before they get better.  

    Remain patient.

  • Thank you Tim, that helps, having a rough morning. I will keep all of that mind.

  • As Tim said this is a journey. Don't think of it as a challenge, it's a journey. One with Christ. And it seems your wife knows you are doing it because she mentioned you would quit. Don't tell her anything about it anymore, allow your actions be your testimony. Again she is a tool that Christ will use in this journey. For so long you have done things your way, and Christ is showing you how that is not how it will work out, He is showing you how love was intended to be. Take it one dare at a time, one day at a time. The success of the dares is doing them as they are intended, and not manipulated as you see fit. Be it because of what you expect the response to be or whatever, you must trust In Christ and do them as they are intended. There are dares where Christ wants you to be humbled and learn something. Also the journal section a Tim said is much more active. Oh and before I forget, if you have not done so, read the appendix, especially the section on leading the heart.

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