Today was by far the worst day. DK went fishing today with his father. He left the house about noon today. It was kind of a rainy crappy day here in ND. Around 6:30 I called to let him know supper was about ready. He was at the bar that he suddenly hangs out at. This bar I feel is a safe house for him because he didn't want a divorce until he started hanging out with his new friends there. His new friends are the bar owner who has been with his girlfriend for over 15 years but has not married. Whom recently got caught with his best friends wife. His other friends are divorced, on the verge of divorce or married unhappily for 30 plus years. He is either at the bar or driving around for hours on end. 2 weeks ago I woke up at 4am and he still wasn't home. I know he is driving around to avoid being at home where I am with our 2 girls. Tonight he was unaccounted for for 4 hours. I was obviously worried and called several times trying to locate him. With no answer. Worried that something was wrong I packed the kids up and went looking for him. The rain was pouring I never did find him. I called his parents, his friends nobody knew where he was. I eventually posted on facebook inquiring if anyone had seen him. His aunt then voiced a concern but he did finally call me back when I had given up. He came home and was madder then ever. Anger has become a real issue with him the last year. To the point I have been worried about my own safety. He has been extremely out of character for himself. I figured it was stress from his job that he lost in march because he blew the whistle on his boss and she made some false accusations about him not doing his job. I have been able to prove other wise. He has found a new job but he hates it. He likes the people but hates the actual work. When he came home I asked him what were 3 things that irritated him about me. He said You, you and you. I tried to ask him with out being confrontational what were some things. The only thing I got was that I bug him. That I always call him about stupid things or checking up on him. Apparently I worry to much or something I left it at that. Then he jumped me about how I was trying to force our relationship to work. We have discussed divorce several times and last week came up with an agreement as far as money and the kids. He was to fix up the house so we could put it on the market and we would split the profit of the house. He hasn't done anything to get the house ready. When I get home he leaves. He was been sleeping on the couch since Dec. He has said several times he wants sex and to feel loved. We have not had sex in over a year I don't think. I keep catching him in shady situations where infidelity has been questions. I have never been able to prove infidelity but many people in our community have said he hasn't been faithful. I don't think he has ever physically cheated but I think he has emotionally cheated. We have tried going to marriage counciling but it is hard to go when our councilor does not make it to town because of the weather or cancels all together. When we did go he wasn't much for participating. I am on the verge of giving up. I keep praying that god will help me through this journey because it is roller coaster ride that I want to be fun rather then terrifying. I just have to keep praying and taking my journey with God. If God intends for my journey not to include DK in it I will have to follow that path. But I am hopeful that God blesses our marriage and our kids. Our kids are too young to understand and I am fearful they will take it hard and blame themselves.
I would recommend posting in the journal sections. More people will read your posts there. I know what it is like to have your spouse out all hours. I would recommend just leaving him to Christ, not question where he is or where he goes. he will look at that as you trying to control him. As you begin to trust more that Christ has a plan for you things will become easier to handle.
Things will probably get worse before better. As he sees you changing it will make him angrier, for a time. He will think yoiu are trying to trick him and the changes he sees in yoiu are short term, and that you should have been this way the whole time.
Pray, seek His will in your life, trust that He will take care of you and the kids, and He will give you comfort.
Tim is right.
And right now as you go through the dares you will come to realize that much of your justification is base do n selfish motives. Take a some time and read the appendix, especially the section on leading the heart.
And for now depend on Christ. There is nothing you can do to change the situation so back off on trying to contact him or check up on him, or go look for him.
Leave that with Christ right now. Focus on your dares. And yes the journals section is much more active.