5—Love is not Rude
“Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him to
be uncomfortable or irritable with you.”
My husband unfortunately is still completely ignoring me, so
I am answering this dare based on our many past conversations.
Non supportive—he refers to it as “having his back.” He
wants his voice to be heard and for me to listen when it comes to decisions in
our marriage. I admit I have faulted big time in this area. I am a stubborn
person and when I want something I will do what I can to get it whether my
husband was in agreement or not (i.e. house, projects, etc.)
Listening—I always thought I was a good listener, but
realized during all this I have not been a good listener to the one who deserves it most (besides Christ of course) - my husband. When he
would try to tell me how his day was going or that he wanted to get physical, I
would not wholeheartedly be engaged to what he was saying. Everything has
always been on my schedule. Unfortunately, this has led him to seek it
Affection—I cannot deny that I have not shown him the
affection a husband deserves in our years together. There is no excuse for it.
In our 11 years together he has always expressed these
issues of mine in some capacity, but I always seemed to ignore how big they
really were until of course now when I am smacked in the face with them at the
breaking point. As I mentioned in my very first posting – I reread the Five
Love Languages. This was a big eye opener for me. I believe the aforementioned areas could have easily been fixed by my spouse and I speaking each other’s
love languages. Just praying it isn’t too late…as he is looking for another
place to stay.
Have you tried to communicate this dare?
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so with out attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Well I saw him at church today. He seemed weird. I don’t know how to describe it. Anyway, so I ask him what three things do I do or used to do that irritated you. He laughed at first. I said I was serious it’s for me to know about myself. He said he didn’t know. That I have to be doing it for him to realize what it is. Ok? So I said ok… Think about it and I’ll ask you later. Maybe we can talk about it later. I texted him he said he was still thinking. Almost 12 hours later I called and he hasn’t answered or called me back. I have a feeling he’s avoiding it. Luckily I am supposed to see him tomorrow morning. Maybe he can answer something. I feel like he’s going to avoid it all together. But I will keep asking until he finally answers me. That will probably one of them is that I nag and am to persistent.
Sorry i'm still having issues posting anything.
No... Dont keep asking. The point of the dare is to do it on that day and you did... You completed it. The success of the dares are not so much if he responds but more that you trusted Christ and did the dare.
I am sure if you took a few minutes and thought about a couple fights you would find 3 things. But do not keep asking. let him come to you. And maybe the next time you argue he will be happy to tell you.
ok so he told me that my temper when it happens its big thing because we never know where it's going to lead. I know that, but i have PTSD so sometimes it comes out in a bad way. No i didn't tell him that. I let him talk and never said anything.
I also know that he hates when i don't let him talk when we fight. When i get fed up i just hate hearing him talk so i shut him out. Anything else after that i really don't know. Maybe that sometimes i am disrespectful towards him. But he didn't say the last two. I just assumed.
OK, that is something for you to look into and turn over to Christ to mold in you.
That simple. Leave it to Christ. Pray for those things for Christ to take them.
On to the next dare...
Help! I have been so grateful that although my spouse is living somewhere with the woman he had an affair with a year ago he has been very cooperative with my questions and conv the past 4 days. Today when I asked what made him uncomfortable or irritated he told me that me calling him, texting him or discussing anything other than our son makes him uncomfortable. How do I move forward? Do I do the dares dispite the fact I am making hiim uncomfortable? I thought the whole point was not to do those things! I don't want to stop!
Don't STOP! As Sean advised me when I first started - this is NOT about winning your husband back. It is about your relationship with Christ. He is molding you through this journey. Trust in Him! Let Him work on your husband...
To add to Jenn. This journey is trusting Christ. If you take back control to doing it your way, then expect the same result.
You have done things your way up to this journey.... It was your way that in one way or another got you here. Now trust Christ and do it His way, without you manipulating the dares...
Yes, you will be rejected, but so was Christ, and He did not stop. It will get worse, as it did for Christ.
Christs plan is for you to use Him to get through this. To be humble to be dependant on Him....