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Re: Well the dare for day 5 I already knew

Well the dare for day 5 I already knew

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  • Hi again,

    Yesterday was my day 5, I thought about it. If I should ask him again what his top 3 reasons were to not want to be around me, but I already know. Seeing as he wrote me a letter telling me everything that was wrong with me when he told me he wanted a divorce.

    Here they are:

    1) I always look at things negatively, the glass is always half empty type of thing.

    2) I always talk in buts, I know, but......

    3) I never finish anything.

    Well I've already been working on those. And right now I have to say that of the two of us, I'm probably the most optimistic. Yesterday my daughter had her yearly trampoleen show (I couldn't help but smile all evening, cause I saw my kids again). We all went. My oldest son looked enchanted, so I asked if he would like to do that to. He said yes. Then I turned to my husband and we talked about it. We both thought he better first get his swimmingdegrees. So I told my husband I'd call the swimmingpool and inform about classes over the summer. He said it would probably already be booked.

    I was dummfounded, because he always used to be so optimistic. But then again, maybe it has to do with that he seems to  always say the opposite of me nowadays. I even made a joke, but he didn't seem to get it, or he didn't want to.

    Then when it was finished my son asked if I could take him home, my husband didn't want this. I even told I would just drop him off, but he wouldn't agree.

    Instead of feeling really bad though, I took it all in stride.

    On my way home to my folks, I thanked God for being with me and helping me, carrying me, so I wasn't negative to my husband either.

    I guess I finally start to learn to turn it all over to God. Isn't He great. I thank him about thirty times a day right now.

    Well thanks for listening, talk to you later.


  • Here is your first problem. Do what the dares say to do. Do not assume you know even if there is a letter. Verbally ask him. Part of this journey is you humbling yourself to do these dares. And being able to humble yourself and control yourself when you get the answer. By assuming from the letter you have just took control of the situation and did it your way. By doing that you missed out on a very important piece.

    You have to give up that control, no matter how small it is. trust in Christ. And accept the reality to things.

    Sorry to point this out. But if you want the most out of your journey, that is the only way.

  • Also, I wanted to ask. Why is there a problem with you taking your kids? Is it a control thing with him?

  • Thanks Sean for your response. I think you're right about me having to ask him personally, but that scares me a little bit though. Also I don't see him until thursday and I don't think I should do it over the phone.

    As for the children, I can't answer you, without assuming what my husband is thinking. But if I do have to assume, I guess it's because it is his time with the kids and he doesn't want to spend anymore time in my presence than he has to.

    I decided where my husband is concerned, to hand it all over to God. I have faith that God will work on him.

    Thanks again Sean.


  • It will be a humbling experience. And that is a big part of that dare. Also it is trusting Christ. So, if you have to delay it a couple of days then so be it.

    I am sorry to hear about the children being caught here. But pray on that.

  • I am afraid to ask because it will make him mad, he says he has told me what I do that irritates him before he moved out. He says I take him fore granted and forget about him till  I need him. That I always have to be right, and I ask to many question that he does not want to discuss right now.

  • Part of this dare is trusting God and allowing you to follow his instruction. Listen to what he is saying. Do these things. This is your journey with Christ, you must trust Him.

    Quit trying to do things the way you think... This is what gets all of us into these problems.

  • The Love Dare is not about changing my spouse.  It is about changing myself.

    What do I need to do?  Keep the focus on me and not on my husband.

  • Actually it is a fine line. Your first focus is Christ. Learning to trust him and humbling yourself to Him. Then you need to remember you are married, you are one. Yes it is a focus on yourself, but the reason I bring up the oneness, is because so many people think that if you do not make yourself happy first everything else is wasted. That is living by the world. And that is not the way Christ does it.

    So, Yes focus on you... You journey with Christ. All other things will follow.

  • One thing my husband did that made this easier for me, was to send me a message (instant messenger, but email, text messaging, etc., would have the same effect), that he wanted to ask me to give him 3 things that night.  Well, it gave me all day to think about it without being put on the spot and pressured.  He was clear that he wanted the answers in person, but I appreciated having the day to think about it.  Maybe something similar would help....


  • I understand that... However the dares are made for personal contact. One of the biggest problems in our society today is technology. It has taken all the intimate conversation away.

    Also the dares are teaching you communication. Then of course there is being humble in the rejection if that is what happens.

    But I guess if there is no other way, it would be OK.

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