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Day 4 - Love is Thoughtful

Day 4 - Love is Thoughtful

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    Day 4—Love is Thoughtful


    As mentioned in my Day 3’s post, I did this dare yesterday, and Day 3’s dare today—


    Love is Not Selfish


    “Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you.”


    Since I was working from home (technically my parents as I have been staying there since my husband left—I didn’t feel comfortable being alone) I decided to take a break and get my husband some candy (he has a massive sweet tooth) and tea (he is trying not to drink pop). All I was going to do was drop it off at the house, grab a sweater, and leave. Before I went in I prayed that there would be nothing there I would find that would hurt me (i.e. divorce papers or all his stuff gone). To my surprise he was there. He was sleeping due to working graves. I think he was probably too tired when he got home to switch vehicles and drive out to where he was staying. Since he knows I am staying at my parents he decided to stay home. It took everything in me to not wake him up. I know he wants his space, so I am trying my best to give it to him no matter how much it hurts. I put the candy/tea on the counter, grabbed my sweater, and gave our dog some attention, and left. I thanked God for answering my prayers and then some—he was there.


    What I am learning through this process (book and the forums) is that the Love Dare is not about my spouse, but actually about me and bringing me closer to Christ who will then do the work on my spouse. So with that said I am reminding myself to let God do the work on my husband and I continue to work on myself. I cannot change my husband, only God can. He is the one that can bring us back together. Soooo much easier said than done especially when one likes to have control of everything. One of many many lessons I am learning.

  • Focus on Christ right now and allow Him to mold you through this journey. When you do this Christ will be the one to comfort you in those times.... The more you seek out comfort from your husband, the more you forsake Christ.

    This will make more sense as you go down your journey.

  • Sean - do you recommend just posting in the forums are doing both forum and journal?

  • If you are going to post the same thing in both, only one. I check both each day, so I am sure I will not miss what you do either way.

  • I am wondering if I should still continue with both in case someone might find it easier in one form over the other. If you think this is not a good idea then I will not do it because I know you have been here a long time. I have noticed there is not nearly as much activity going on anymore. Why do you suppose that is? Has the Love Dare phenomena died now that Fireproof has been out for a couple years now? I sure hope not.

    Also - I read through each and every one of your journal entries. I left some comments and even had a couple questions. I am hoping that you still take the time to go through and check them out. I understand if your time does not allow that though since you are only one guy and you respond to so much as it is.

  • That is fine. And the site has spurts of activity. And believe it or not there are many that just watch.

    I will look at the journals and respond.

  • Day 4

    I called him today.  I asked him how he was doing.  But he just kept talking about our baby.  I was genuinely asking him how he was and if he needed anything and he just kept talking about the baby.   I felt like he didn’t want to  talk to me about him.   Like this was our common ground and he just wanted to tell me about her day.  Which was great, but I wanted to know about him.  This is not abnormal for me to call him.  Would be different if I called him when he didn’t have the baby.  Just to see how he was doing.

    sorry i can't seem to post my own thread or journal entry at all.  It's keeps telling me to put some content after i hit post.  If anyone knows how to fix this please let me know.  so i just posted this in some one elses.  

  • I will look into it.

  • Natalie--

    Type  your own document and then cut and paste to this site.  That happens to me constantly...so I keep another file to draw from...

  • This happened to me at the beginning as well. I switched from using Internet Explorer to using Firefox and haven't had a problem since. I also do what Libby suggests. I keep an ongoing word document of all my entries and then copy and paste. I know you are posting now on your own threads, so you got it to work. :) Hopefully this will help any others having the same issue though.

  • you can try it now.

  • I have already done this dare....but feel it is easy to write it out in both places because here I might be able to help someone in helping myself.. I texted to ask what could I do for my fiance....(sometimes it feels weird to say it since we have space apart but it it what it is ) this was unusual for me. We are both working on ourselves & learning about each other from scratch. So when I asked him....( LOL) he asked was it a trick question? As uncomfortable it felt after holding my words & being a little upset from the day before... I took comfort in his words...they made me chuckle...as I can see the humor in it. He then told me that he would like me to cook for him so.... I did...& also bought him lunch. I noticed his face full of smiles... & him relax & not feel so tense. He felt awesome and it showed. I knew he was appreciative of what I was doing. I felt at peace In addition to that I felt special & needed. What I was reminded of about myself was that it made me feel so good to give to another!!! I had missed treating another as I wanted to be treated. I was thankful that God was forgiving me & sharing that I could forgive & how being kind hearted is one of my best qualities. Love...sigh

  • Praise God for a great outcome. But we need to realize that we must find things that we know and do things that fit the 4 things that accomplish the kindness definition.

    But great job.

  • Since everyones definition of kindness is different.... wh at do you suggest? I feel that making breakfast & buying him lunch was a kind gesture...& I did it from my heart.... so I felt that it was kindness. The reason I'm asking is after reading your comment maybe I should do it again.

  • Was that not thoughtful is what I'm asking after going back & reading it again?

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