So I tried to be mindful about my intentions when I called to check on how he was doing. Thursdays tend to be difficult days because he has lied about being at work and been with her instead. Although he's done this other days too. I made sure I was calling to check on how he was doing and not question where he was or anything. That was a success. The day kind of got worse because he didn't text me or call me which he usually does. I felt hurt and neglected that he was avoiding and ignoring me. He claims he needed some time to himself. I tried not to take it personally. We argued again. He's feeling overwhelmed because he have a few good days and then a blow up. I tried to remind him how each day this week has been good without screaming that I'm doing the Love Dare! I did not tell him. I told him I am trying. He's so scarred by all the negativity and destruction we have caused each other with all our fights. I feel lost. I feel tired. I know I must continue to press on and pray that he his heart will be healed as I am praying mine will be healed too. I keep doing things that I know are destructive to me. I know will only cause me pain to see. Like I am purposely wanting to stay in this hell and be tormented. I pray for GOD's will to lead me out of this mess. I don't want to give up.
As long as you try to control the situation and play God.... It will happen this way. Remember these words... BE STILL.... FOR I AM GOD.... And when you hear that. Stop and get out of Gods way and let Him work.
Read the appendix... The entire thing. Great prayer guidance. The most important thing I can say about prayer right now.. Dont be selfish in your prayers. for example "pray that he his heart will be healed as I am praying mine will be healed too." Right now, pray for Gods will in both your lives, and for the wisdom and ability to accept it...
All these things are part of Gods plan... It got you to open up and seek Him out. Now it is time to work...
All this alone, hurt, neglect... Take it to Christ. If you start to think about him not calling, pray... Christ will fill every single void you have, if you trust Him, and depend on Him. Not your husband.
I'm trying my best to depend on Christ only for everything I need. I reminded myself today that I need to BE STILL and LISTEN TO GOD and let GOD do what he needs to do. It's hard but I know it's what I must do. The alternative is bad....so very bad.
I will reread the appendix and keep reading it until it is engrained into my heart and mind.
I have been saying the Lords Prayer ALOT. Will keep on praying.
If I may...
Christ is big on relationships... All through the Bible. But, most importantly He is big on His relationships.
Get closer to Him. Set the Lords prayer aside for now. Make it personal with Him. Seek his strength, wisdom, Love, comfort....
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Now most people would take this into a selfish consideration and translation. But the is Christs promise, that if we ask for Him in our lives, He will... You have and He did.... If you continue to seek Him out, you will find Him in each minute of each day.... But seeking Him out, you need to know Him. Prayer is the way for that. Have that relationship and build it every minute of everyday. HE WILL NEVER TURN YOU AWAY!
Thanks Sean. I have tried to be more personal with my prayers and what's going on that moment for me. What incredible unconditional love he has for us. WOW!
Thats an understatement! LOL.