am currently on day four of the dare. I am hoping that this tears down walls I have placed in our marriage. My husband accepted the call to preach three years ago. The Lord changed his life drastically when he got saved 8 years ago. Dustin kept the call to preach from me for three years until he finally told me then we shared it with my pastor.. Two years later he dedicated his all to God...
I believe this is when the devil really began battling me. Of course he does it by planting "seeds". We reject them for a while. Then over time our mind is bogged down with negative thought. I fed into all the lies, Dustin could do the ministry alone, I didn't love him, we were never suppose to be together. So...in the end I shut Dustin out. We began "living" together doing Gods work or he did..I went along. I didnt' support my husband in prayer and fasting like I should have. It was "our" ministry not his. Anyway we separated last October. It has been an extremely extremely hard 9 months. Dustin finally came home in February but he is in a backslidden state. We are on completely different pages spiritually. He feels God left him and since he surrendered all he doesn't understand why he endured so much pain.
Now we are living really different. He barely goes to church with me and its clear he is "running from God". I pray for him several times a day, and I'm trying to have the Faith that God will bring him back in...I'm trying everything with Gods help to save my marriage. I am hopeful that the Love Dare will open up areas to where we have shut each other out.. I'm so burden with his soul, I want to make sure I go into this with an open mind that this wont fix his spiritual but I can tear down walls and make our relationship better. Thanks so much for the time.
WOW... What a fall.
But one thing I have learned in all this. Once you call upon the Lord- HE NEVER LETS YOU GO....
But here is the bad news to that. HE NEVER LETS YOU GO...
Doesn't make sense does it? Well here is the problem. God gives us Choice. And when we choose to forsake Him, He is patient and lets us screw things up on our own, but at the same time He loves us unconditionally and just waits for the PERFECT time to step in.
God had a plan... And still does. You said above "I'm trying everything with Gods help to save my marriage. " You need to leave it to God and get out of His way. And how to do that is consider this dare a journey. One between you and Christ. Not you and your husband. Your husband is a tool in this journey... Thats it.
As you grow in Christ and become more and more a testimony to him and others around you, Christ will make sure that the right conviction is in your husbands heart... There is a reason Christ gave this dare to you and not him...
When you get some time, read the entire appendix. Especially the part about leading the heart.
And remember, we have a jealous God, if Christ is not first, then we have a problem.
Think about each and every dare... This is Christ molding you more in His image each day... How you long for your husband is how Christ longs for you.
It actually does make sense. All the things you said really hit home. I know he has the perfect time, of course there are many times I dont understand because I can see conviction over him so strong but I know he knows all things.
I know what you mean about leaving it with God. I try, I imagine myself taking Dustin and our marriage in a little box and walking up the stairs to God and giving it to him and turning around several times on the way back down to make sure God has him..When he says Vanessa Ive got him dont look back...Ok so consider the dare a journey? To see how Christ loves? Im already starting to see it just being on Day 5.
Ok I will read the appendix? I'm not sure if that is in my book?
Thank you so much Sean, all your comments are so helpful.
Please, anytime that is what I am here for.
Well I'm on day 6. I woke up this morning and had not read the next days dare yet. Normally I read it before I go to bed and again the next morning so its set in my head and I can ponder on it during the night.
Well yesterday I was seeing small things improve in our relationship already, how hes more open to say nice things. Last night I found myself getting a little aggravated. Funnny how when I read just a couple of paragraphs for Day 6 I was like Lord this is exactly what I'm feeling today..Wanting to not even do anymore of the Dare just because I'm exhausted.
The advice I'm looking for is how to not let the "new issues" in my marriage drag me down. When I say new issues, I'm meaning the separation spiritually that Dustin and I are on. I am constantly looking for ways I can see God working...and when he takes ice and a cooler for his drive on the way home from work...those things get to me. Knowing where my husband was and where he is now..and how we can make it on these different pages. Ultimately I know we can't, however I do know he has a calling and that God will bring him back in and work against his free will. I just seem to be bogged down everyday from the lack of God in his life. Any suggestions?
Yea, right now worry about your journey not his...
Right now much of your concern for his journey is selfish. You know or believe if he gets back on the saddle your life would be better. But here is the problem. You are still not where you need to be with Christ. You are on a journey, one that Christ is molding you. Hence seeing some small things improving in your relationship.
That improvement is coming because of the only change you have been making. Your walk with Christ. Continue on the journey of the dare, that is where Christ is doing His first stages of molding you. This is Him teaching you to be a testimony, but not only that. While you are doing this, Christ is working on your husband. Stay out of the way. Christ needs you to be ready for His work on your husband, without you, what testimony will He have?
I am sure much of this will make more sense in another week or so. Also, I have written a number of journals that have seemed to help others in these situations. Maybe take a look.
You are so right. I mean I never thought about it being selfish down deep. I just think about his soul but when you said that it is selfish, it was a reminder of that plus our relationship being what it needed to be. Wow..so true.
I think thats where I get so sidetracked. You say Christ is working on my husband and since thats what I'm looking to see, and since I can't see on the inside I'm like how do I know Gods working on him. That last sentence you said about Dustin without me and the testimony....this hit hard..because I truly believe God is getting me to the place I can share the call of the ministry with Dustin since I never did before..its just the unknown I guess. Not knowing if for sure he will come back to God. Well I guess I just keep praying and trusting.
Where are these journals in these situations so I can read them?