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Re: What am I doing?!

What am I doing?!

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  • Here I sit. Gin and juice in one hand... heart wrenching song in the back ground. I can't check spelling because the screen in blurred by the tears that are seeping out of my eyes of their own accord. He is currently on a date with another woman.

    We've been married for 9.5 years. Three kids 5, 3 and 1. He was so drunk Christmas morning, he slept through our little ones' Christmas. He kicked me when I tried to rouse front of our kids. He has turned his back on Christianity. He has turned his back on everything it seems.

    The dares have been by and large something I'm forcing myself to do. Shoving my pain down and trying to have faith for our situation. I'm here because if I wasn't here, I'd currently be text bombing him, or doing something destructive I'm sure.

    I'm clinging to God like I've never clung. I made a deal with him that I would continue this book no matter what happens between us. But it's feeling like I'm turning myself into a doormat at this point. When do you say enough is enough? When do I say this is pointless and just plain hurtful for me?

    I'm SO tired. Tired of the of being blamed for every problem imaginable...tired of being the bigger person! I'm tired and worn, and my heart is shattered. I feel like a boxer who's been socked one two many times and I'm lying on the mat, head spinning...trying desperately to get back up...because I know the bell is about to ring but I just want to keep fighting. I can't stay down...and I feel like that is what will be the end of me.

  • Nat, this is a tough time. Especially during the holiday season. And to be honest, one day you will look back at this and realize what a true blessing this is.

    This dare is a journey. One between you and Christ, not you and your husband. You will not see that right away, but as the dares go on it will become more obvious.

    When you get a chance. There is a section in the appendix that talks about leading your heart. Take time to read it. Understand what it says. Because this will allow you to make sense of many things as your journey progresses.

    I have a number of journals that may give you some comfort understanding this journey. Take some time and look them over, and please feel free to message me anytime.

  • I am on day 3 and I feel helpless. I got day and 3 mixed up. Plus me and my significant other are on a break and I'm doing this dare still. I have faith this will work I want him to see I'm trying. So far I have gotten good reposes from dates 1 2 & 3. I don't know how to approach dare 4 & 5 though

  • Seek Christ in prayer for those openings. And the response is not what means success. It is doing the dares as they are intended and trusting Christ no matter what the response.

  • I am in a similar situation althought I'm not blessed to still be living with my husband.  I completely feel your pain.  I know you feel abandoned.  You have a great opportunity with him in close proximity.  I urge you to hang in there and have faith.

  • The greatest opportunity being living together or not is learning Gods love.  We can see doing it the way the world taught us does not work.

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