Brief history... My husband I have been separated going on 4 years (March 28th). During this time, Both my parents died and my son decided to live with my husband. For the first time in my life I was alone. God revealed things to me during this time of solitude. I put in my profile, why now, I was finally ready to do the Love Dare.
Day 1: 1-17-2012: It was my son's 22nd birthday. I wanted to do something for his birthday over the weekend. I had invited his father to join us for dinner Sunday night. Husband was all for it, but when I mentioned to my son, he said no way. Its weird. My son never was able to explain what he meant by weird, since during this period of separation, we have spent all holidays and son's birthday together.
I decided that if we couldnt go out to eat as a family, then I would invite them over to my house and I would cook dinner for them. Everyone came over and we actually had a real nice time. We sat, talked and watched TV like we use to do. Husband was a little testy, he wasnt feeling well. Normally, his demeanor would set the stage for my mood. I didnt even let it bother me. I offered to get him some medicine. I packed up the leftovers and made homemade TV dinners for them to take home. My son even thanked me for cooking dinner! He is an only child and the world evolves around him!
I texted my husband before I went to bed and thanked him for coming over. I told him I really had a nice time. I did this without expecting a reply. This is something that I have realized that I do. I expect or want some type of reaction from my husband. Good or Bad, anything. To my surprise, he text me back and thanked me for dinner. He said he too had a nice evening.
So, Day 1 was a sucess. I know they all wont be so easy
Day 2: This is were I have to get creative doing the dares. I dont see or talk with him on a regular basis. I knew his sister's husband just found out he has stage 4 lung and brain cancer. They are having a big family get together this weekend. We are unable to go, so I decided to send a cheese cake to his sister. I wrote in the card we will be there with them in spirit. I text my husband and told him I sent his sister a cake. He text me back thanking me for doing that. Day 2 a sucess. My husband normally responds to my text with a "OK". and nothing more.
Day 3: Another hard one for me to do from a far. We live 15 minutes away from each other, but he doesnt want me to go to our house. So to avoid conflict, I have done as he requested. I had a very hard and long day at work. I am an accountant, and its tax time. I was trying to think all day what I could buy him that would say I was thinking about him, then how would I get it to him. I didnt leave the office until 9:15 pm. I didnt take a break or have lunch that day. So, here it is late, stores closed and I have a pounding headache! I sat in my office before I left and said God, I dont want to go to the store! I am tired, hungry and I have a headache. I knew I made the committment to do the dares to the best of my ability. One of the things that was revealed to me, is that I put my job before my marriage. During tax time, by the time I got home, I didnt have anything left for myself, let alone my husband. I said, I know God, I need to do this. I went to CVS and bought a sears gift card. My husband loves to go to sears since he can get almost anything he needs there from tools to clothes. Then I went to find a card.. to my disbelief, I found a card sounded as if I could have wrote it. It ended with I wanted you to know I was thinking of you! I praised God and purchased it.
I have to remember, not to expect anything from the card and gift.
Day 4: Another long day at a clients office. I knew I was suppose to contact my husband but I forgot to ask him if there was anything I could do for him. I hadnt talked with him since we had dinner at my house. In the past, when I would call, we would talked less than 5 minutes. I couldnt believe we talked for 45 minutes. He was nice when he heard it was me and not his usually, "what do you want attitude".
In addition to doing the daily dares, I have been texting each morning and night, just to say hello and good night. I read something that we forget to invest in our marriages once we marry. When we were dating, we would always do the little things that just meant " I was just thinking about you".
I am committed to this is my walk with Christ and not about my husband. I know the enemy is out there but I know that God will protect me like he has in the past.
My prayers to those that are starting the dares this week that God gives us strength, grace and wisdom.
It is great that you are taking this journey. And I know exactly how you feel about work coming first. But there is one thing I want to point out that you have not come to yet and soon will.
We have a jealous God, He must come first in your life, in fact you will need to start putting margin in your life for Him.
These dares are going to allow Christ to mold you more in His image each day. But it is your testimony to those around you that will allow you to grow in Christ. Remember, Christ will never let you down, and because of that testimony and trust in Christ, your husband will see those changes.
Thank you for your comment. You are right, I have not made God my priority. I have made the same attempt with God as I did with my marriage. I start off with the best of intensions, follow through for a while, then before I know it, I allowed LIFE to take priority again.
In addition to working on my dares, I am going to schedule my time with God. I will have my assistant but it on my schedule so I will have no excuses!
putting margin in your life is not really a scheduled event. Yes, you can put time aside, to read, to pray etc... But you need to grow that Christ never needs an appointment. That is the only way you can give up the control with Christ!