(sorry but) SUCKS!! nothing seems to be working sometimes i see little glimmers of hope - some really good happy moments together, but as soon as he spends a little time away from me - im knocked all the way back to the bottom. He gets doubts in his head, says things like he'll never forget or fogive the past (EVEN THOU HE HAS HIS SHARE THAT I DONT BRING UP!!) doesnt matter how much i change, not to mention he keeps talking to a girl that hes admitted having feelings for. Am i insane?? Am i doing this wrong?? I keep thinking this is all just a test, the worst is at my doorstep and im finally having to deal with it. i know there are families and couples who have been thru much harder things then our past- Hes healthy Im healthy the kids are healthy. This will be all worth it in the end. Im just having to be the one that gets us there. As he walks out the door and i hear the car pull away- i break down and cry,cry tears of deep pain. Pain unexplainable to anyone. Then i wipe away my tears and think of pain worse then this- him and the kids gone forever, and how no amount of anything im going thru right now will ever compare to the awful pain of the end... I will not give up....
Nothing seems to be working....--- There is nothing that is going to work overnight. It took this long for it to get to this. Now Christ is trying to mold you in ways that would turn your life around. But it involved Choices. It involves trust and faith.
Commit to it, to prayer. Christ will comfort you. But you need to give up the controlling ways to Him. YOU CANNOT CONTROL.