Days one through three have gone easily. By easy, I mean objections from my wife. I was excited about todays dare as a call seemed relatively easy.
My expectations were "reset" this morning. Here is the back story.
My oldest daughter came to live with us 3 years ago. The integration was smooth for the 3 kids and it has been a blessing to have my kids in the home. The challenge has been for my wife and teen daughter to find their relationship. With concerns for the choices my daughter was making, I began to monitor everything. When you take this step, you must be prepared to hear learn things that you do not like. Moreover, you must be able to process anger that is directed at you and not reflect it back on the child. We were not prepared for this and a rift resulted between my wife and I as many of the outburst (true and fictional) were directed at her step mother. The monitor became a source of resentment and anger for my wife as she struggled to deal with what she learned. Fast forward three years and my wife is ready to leave.
When I began this dare, I took a close look at what had gotten us here and decided to trade remote monitoring for direct communication and active parenting. My relationship with my daughter continues to improve. My wife discovered what I had done this morning and was enraged. She asked me why and I began to explain. After three years we know what we are going to know. The time has come to stop being passive and actively engage. She was no longer interested in listening, accessed that was done to prevent her from seeing negative things that my daughter might post about her. Additionally, I did it without consulting her. She had not spoken two complete sentences to me in over two weeks. She stormed out of the house with our son today and stated that she will be contacting the divorce lawyer.
Now, I need to call her at work and see how her day is going and if I can do anything for her. Am I prepared for the response?
Bad timing for a good dare...
Ironically, it's acctually good timing. You see, in the midst of the hate and anger she is reflecting toward you- you calling her and asking her how her day is going continues to show her your love for her- even when it seems she might not deserve it.
I remember after Christmas, my husband started planning on how to move out... he wanted everything & pretty much told me I had to leave with the kids- i expressed to him that HE was the one who wanted out, so I wouldn't stop him from leaving, but there was no way I was going to go. So he told me he HATED me. WOW! Really? But I never backed down, I continued the dares, even after he left, and I am currently on my 6th time around. He is still living on his own, but God has been blessing us.
My point? It may seem unusual timing for this dare, but Christ loved us in the hardest time of His life and we must continue to love when it seems hard to do so. I see this as the perfect timing for this dare...God works in mysterious way- trust Him :)
The day has come and gone. I have not heard from her. Tomorrow is the 13th anniversary of the day we met. My heart is heavy but God is good. Tomorrow is day 5.
Remember the success of the dares is trusting Christ to just do them... Never worry about the response... Christ will mold you through each and yes even at times to be humble!