It's been a while since I posted, but I felt like sharing today.
I'm nearing the end of my second round of The Dare. My wife and I are still separated. We still see each other occasionally. We text quite a bit and IM frequently while we're at work. On the surface, we get along very well, but she is still resistant to spending face to face time with me, and shows no signs of wanting to reconcile.
I'm still continuing to see a counselor at our church by myself. My wife knows I'm going but has not shown interest in coming. I attended church with her mother a few times since she has moved out. I've invited her each time, but she has declined. I was very pleased to find out this weekend that she did attend church, even if it wasn't ours. It gives me hope that she hasn't pulled away from the Lord.
Today, my wife and I rode to work together. It's a long story, but it's due to the fact that she is still hesitant to tell extended friends and family that we're separated. Due to work reasons, she needs her ride to drop her off at our house tomorrow. So she left her car here this morning and rode in with me. I don't like living a lie, but at the same time, I consider every moment we spend together not only a blessing, but an opportunity for me to show her I'm not the same man who made her want to leave. We laughed, we talked, she smiled and I purposely drove slow... That was selfish, but...
This round has been a true test and has challenged me each and every day. Completing the dares can be difficult when you are apart. A few of the more recent dares have challenged me to express things to my wife, today's especially. Dares like this make me nervous, as I'm afraid to damage whatever progress we may have made. She tends to shut me out when I broach certain topics and I'm afraid to push her away.
I was nervous about completing Day 34. I felt as though the topic may have seemed to come out of nowhere for her.
The day before, my counselor had instructed me to read 1 Samuel 17. He told me to read it every day. The day of that dare was the first day I read it. In it, David describes that he defends his flock from lions and bears, without fear, as he trusts in the Lord to see him through.
I don't believe in coincidences and I truly felt that the Lord was speaking to me. So I completed the dare via email. Today, I am again nervous, but I find myself drawn back to the example David provided. My letter is a declaration of my love for my wife and my willingness to work with her to move past our problems... together. Like David, I trust the Lord to see me through. I should not be afraid to show my wife that I'm willing to fight for our marriage.
Not to go into detail, but the letter basically states that in the last few months I feel as though I've grown as a man, a husband and a Christian. I told her that it only took me 30 years, but I get it now, and I owe it to her. Some day I hope she'll trust that my dedication to change and to our marriage is permanent. I know he's working in my life every day, as he is in hers. I know God has a plan for us. I pray for us every day and I think working together is the answer, not divorce, and I feel that a part of her feels the same way. When she's ready, I'll be waiting.
As always thanks for listening.
Here is a great example. You are afraid to ruin Andy progress you see happening by bringing up or doing a dare. But yet it is those dares that you have trusted Christ to get you where you are. And now you want to take control back?
Trust in everything Christ has for you.