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Dare 39 Rnd2

Dare 39 Rnd2

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  • This dare was harder for me the second time around - because over the past months my wife has made it clear she wants out of this marriage and she is distancing herself, so it was hard writing - putting your heart into a letter - knowing that it will most likely be "trashed".  But one thing I learned along this journey is not to worry about my wife's reactions.  I used to, a lot, but now I just want to do right in gods eyes and that to me means not giving up on my marriage - although at times that seems like a much easier path!  The words in the reading "if your marriage fails, if your spouse walks away, let it not be because you gave up or stopped loving them" stuck with me.  So I prayed a lot, wrote the letter, and left it for her.

    Her reaction was as expected - letter in the trash and her only comment was that she is not going to be guilted into staying into this marriage, I kept my cool and let her know I'm not trying to guilt her into anything and I meant what I said.   OK I'm not going to get frustrated I know god has a plan and I trust him.  Besides the rocky start we had a good night with the kids (band concert followed with McDonalds) so I'm content and thankful for that.

  • Start taking a moral inventory of your journey. Thinking of the things you have done. Were any a manipulation or a controlling situation? Pray about it, and look for the ways to focus more on Christ and not so much her.

    This is a journey that needs growth. Make sure always that is happening.

  • Easy to answer that question, Yes.  Early in this journey I wanted to fix the situation (I’m an engineer so what can I say).  I read every marriage book and pushed every thing I read onto her.  I was trying to control and manipulate.  But somewhere during round one I realized that was not going to get me anywhere.  I learned a lot about marriage in all those books so I would encourage anyone to read all you can, just don’t try to push it on your spouse.  

    Now I still fight the urge –the hardest part for me is having kids involved, I feel like I am in a battle for their future, failure means all the bad things you hear about kids of divorce, success means they get a normal life, vacations, one family at the holidays etc.and this is why I want to manipulate/control. I’ve read enough posts here to know that I need to leave her for god to work on and just focus on Christ.   I am going to invite her to a marriage seminar (I know she will say no and be mad about it) but I don’t think that is manipulating? – there are good Christians ministries out there, good testimony that marriages can be turned around.  I wish I could get her to hear your story… I wish I could get her to start reading the love dare (she’s the one that bought the book)… I wish I could get her to get back into bible study, she is the one that got me started… I wish, I wish…..

    Focus – this is a journey, I need to grow, even if that means without her, thanks for reminding me of that, this will help the next time I feel the urge to manipulate.

  • The desires you have for her are the same desires Christ has for you.

    I know you are doing it, but that is why I said take a moral inventory to listen to what Christ is telling you. Maybe there are a couple things that are preventing your growth.

    He wants, He needs you to be a testimony in her life.

  • Great words, when I think about god desiring me like I desire my wife - it realy hit home.  I thought hard about this, prayed about it, and I did not have to go much past that because god revealed I was still trying to manipulate, in fact those exact words came out of my wife's mouth the very next day, I feel like you are manipulating when you ....  how amazing is that, I  had to turn so my wife could not see my grin after she said it, god is good!

  • God is indeed. But our problem here on this earth is that we tend to want to control things. We must listen to what He tries to tell us... That is the hard part.

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