well, i had to finally speak to a lawyer. i knew my time was running out staying at my in laws, and i knew that i just can't afford a place of my own. i agreed to an impossible situation. i agreed that my wife and kids live in the house, and i find a part time job (waiting tables). my entire check from my day job supports the house and pays the bills. we live pay check to pay check, so there is little to no room for error. i agreed to this, and signed my name to it as well. now...i'm faced with the impossible task of finding a place...and just so you know, i can't even afford a room to rent. i am completely trusting in god at this point and i'm scared out of my mind, i won't lie.
yesterday morning my wife calls me for the first time in 8 days. she said that she's been giving this a lot of thought and just doesn't feel right about making me pay her alimony and is going to talk to her lawyer and have it omitted from the contract. i was floored, shocked, and confused as to why all of a sudden this is happening. obviously, this is god's handy work, but how...i'm not sure. i still had my appointment to see my lawyer later in the day.
4:30pm: i explained everything to my lawyer, and he was dumfounded when i told him what i signed. he asked me why i did it, and all i could tell him was that i had hope. his reply to me was, "well...no use crying over spilled milk now". and then when i told him what my wife said about dropping the alimony, he gave me the loop hole to the situation. i have to contact my wife (preferably next day) to verify if what she said is truly what she meant and if so, to have it put in writing ASAP. once it goes in writing, she can't take it back...this is my problem as well. we went through the cost of child support and in the state of north carolina, i am paying more than 1/2 of what i should. he told me that once it's in writing, and i secure a place of my own and make my first payment i am to approach my wife again and tell her that i can not afford the demands of the child support that we agreed on. and if she has to take me to court, then so be it. this way, the court will decide how much you will pay and they will use the same calculator we did, and will come up with the same amount. in my head i know this will not go over well with my wife. but i have to survive, and my children need a place to stay.
i am meeting with a woman tonight regarding an apartment in the same school district as my kids. i will finally get to see my wife and kids for the first time in 11 days tonight, and i couldn't be happier. i'm also sad because i did call my wife to verify if what she said was still how she felt. she is going to talk to her lawyer and have it drawn up tomorrow. "if we are to move on and get on with our lives, then i understand that you need a place of your own", she tells me. all i could do was thank her. i did a pretty in depth budget today as my lawyer instructed me and i will be in the hole right away. this is what i'm supposed to show my wife when i approach her about the amount of the child support. i can see how her plans for school and working part time are going to fail...her choice is for us to separate, but she is bound and determined to go to school. i just don't see how this is going to happen when i have to tell her about the child support amount, and that my lawyer has instructed me to pay what the state is only expecting me to pay. she will probably have to take me to court, but the court will see the best interest of my kids and know that i can only pay what i can based on my salary and hers...which is nothing at the moment.
i am trusting in god, but i have no idea where this is all going. i feel like a live version of the show "lost". you watch it, you think you know how it's going to end, and then you're completely thrown for a loop. my heart is broken, i will admit. i feel that my wife is moving on, and only god can stop her...and i won't interfere with him. as for the dare, i have not done it yet. the timing isn't right for the first time in this journey. i will do it, but this one will take time.
continue with your prayers and support as i am with you!
God will make sure you are OK. So, I have to ask. How did everything go when she got back?
I never heard back from you after the attorney. Does she know that you know things about her trip?
i was going to call you yesterday...they got home last night. she doesn't know that i know about the trip. i really don't feel lead to say anything yet. my lawyer told me to do a budget, and then show her that i don't have the funds with just the alimony now. when i show her what the state expects me to pay her in child support, and that my lawyer is telling me to pay that...she is going to flip out. i can see this unfolding right before my eyes. i hate that she's going to be upset, but she's about to find out what it's like to lie in the bed you make. i will not be defiant, or ugly towards her. it was tough to put on a "happy face" yesterday. it's good they stayed an extra day because if they came home when they were supposed to, it would have been difficult for me to bite my tongue.
i am trusting in god. i don't know where he's leading me, but at this point i'm just along for the ride. i hate that my wife is about to hate me even more, but i have to look out for the well being of my children and myself. god is in control
Remember what we talked about. Do not use this as leverage. Do what is right. But pray about it.
no, it won't be as leverage at all. plus, i can't say anything until i get back from CA next week. i'm flying out on thursday, and will be back wednesday morning. this will give me time to escape and be with my family.
So how have things been since her being back?
tense...i have felt it, and so has she. i went for a run sunday night to clear my head, and i called her after and apologized for the tension. we ended up talking for about 45 minutes. there seems like there's something that's not being said though. she doesn't know i know about nyc. last night, i spent time with the kids and she left to run errands. when i left, it was very business oriented. something just seems really odd. it's not in my hands though.
Could it be guilt and wondering if you know about nyc?
you know, i'm not sure it could be possible? i think that's why she's opting out of the alimony too. she re-did the alimony agreement and we're signing off on that tonight. so when i get back from CA, and get moved into my place, i have to proceed with what i have to do as far as the child support. this is killing me inside because i don't want to hurt her...i know this will though. i have prayed relentlessy over this and feel peaceful. the holy spirit will guide me.
Have a good trip. I will be praying for you.
thank you sir...that was me that texted you by the way :)
Jason - you'll be ok :) trust in God he will guide you every step of the way my friend!
Maynard. I had an idea it was you. Wanted to be sure.
thank you maria...i am thankful for you and sean! i will be back home tuesday night, and then life will begin again. i'm currently in san diego, ca enjoying the sun and beach. it's nice to get away for a bit
Hope the trip was relaxing.