Collaborate without boundaries

Re: not good...

not good...

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  • Oh my goodness I did not want to do this.

    The hesitation I had in this is that I did not want to put my neck on the line again just to get it run over.

    I assume spouse will just stay quiet and observe in his own way to see if I really mean what ive said.

    It will be a test and a yeard stick for me that he would use to say " you said that you would love me no matter what..."

    God helped me to write this in that he just reminded me of how I felt when I married him in the first place.

    He helped me to see that the love I have has changed for him and that I would like his love for me to change as well and that this was something that I had to acknowledge.

    the process taught me that I am willing to obey God even when it is uncomfortable. I had to look deep inside myself and wait on the Lord to speak or else I would just run off with some shallow words that do not reflect my heart.

    this was really tough and though i wrote it out last night, he did not read it till this morning before he was leaving for work.

    He didnt get to read it all and so  I saw him put it in his bag before he left for work.

    If he is not confused by all this, I sure am!  It is really scary to expose yourself like that becuase I feel that if I say all these things, it means that I am endorsing all the wrong that he is doing and that he will feel loved to continue in the same way knowing that well, wife said that she loved me no matter what, and I told the Lord that i felt that was not the impression that I was trying to give him.

    Well, none the less, the dare was done, I will see the reaction from it today. I am glad that is over and would rather just crawl into a whole and lie there for a while as the next bust up looms in the horizon and I will get a " well you said you loved me no matter what so what now!" response.

    ahhhhhggggg this does not feel good at all.(sigh)

  • Your joy can't come from you husband, but from within you through God. Like people always say, pray on the dare, comeplte it as instructed, and leave the rest to the Lord. We all struggle with that last one, but it is the most important. Remember we are impatient humans, but God works on His own terms in His own time, only when the time is right for us. Stay strong and continue. Exposing yourself is a step in love, and remeber love endures all things.

  • Jason, thank you for this reminder especially on praying on the dare and doing it as instructed.

    Yes, love endures all things... even this.

  • Our spouses will look for us to fall in this journey. They will point it out to us as well. That is why our testimony is so so important.

  • That is so true Sean. I see that already and it really gets to me.

    It really shows me juat how far apart we are and it was only God that knew that all along.

    i cant help but get upset at  it all but it is only because my eyes have been opened in this dare that i can see otherwise, i was just as blind to it all.

    Its a real struggle to be humble when everything is telling you to call the other out now that you can see things clearly.

    thats where the test is for me.

  • That is the real test for us all. But this is where we trust Christ.  

  • I just did this Love Dare, and feel it was a big mistake.  He's told me that he needs his space.  I also feel he is going through a midlife crisis, and everything I read on midlife crises say that you shouldn't try to fix it, because even if it works to fix it for a short period of time, it can all come crashing down.  I feel this letter of commitment did just that.  We were connecting intimately, and starting to reconnect as friends.  He felt that this letter was the opposite of what he was asking for - he felt it was too clingy, and that was exactly what I was scared of - I asked God for guidance in writing it, and even wrote in the letter that if he needed space I would give him space and if he needed time I would give him time.  But it was the love and commitment part that I think was too much for him.  

    I did ask him if he read it in it's entirety, and reminded him that in the letter I said I would give him space and time, which did seem to help to smooth it over.  But he asked, "So, what happens with you, if I decide, I just want to be on my own, for the duration of my time here? Have you considered this? I'm not saying this is a definite. But it is a variable in the situation."  I said, "I also need you to understand that I am always here for you."  He said that he understood.  But also added that he also understands, that things could be considerably tougher, if he chooses not to have me, or anyone else as his companion.

    Now I feel that I might have to reveal that the changes he has seen in me was due to the Love Dare, because if I don't he will think that it was completely my idea to write the letter - the leter which I was very reluctant to give to him in the first place, because I don't want him to think I'm too clingy and push him away farther.  He did say that I was doing a wonderful job of fixing myself, and he said that we have come further in our relationship with each other than we ever have, and that we are learning to deal with each other.  But now I feel that the progress we made was lost.

    I've restarted the Love Dare, and am on Day 2 (I couldn't write the vows, because we were never married - we were engaged and living together in a very long term relationship), but I'm not sure if I should keep going and keep it a secret or tell him, that the changes were because of the Love Dare, and I felt that letter might have been too much, but wanted to keep with it, because I know that the changes that were happening in me were good changes.

  • Welcome Jendiah.  Go to the dashboard link and click on it.  then journal where it I think says click on new journal entry.  this will post your entry in the community section, and under that link is the love dare journal section, where more people will read what you say.  This particuar part your in hasn't been read in almost 5 years.

    This will be a journey, one between you and Christ, not you and him.  He will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do a dare a day, no more no less.  Other than the dare or two that are reserved for married couples.  This will give him the space he wants.  It will get worse before it gets better.  

    The love dare willl do just what you said, keep you from fixing this.  And leaving it all in God's hands.  Trust God in doing the dares.  If it wasn't the letter that made him jumpy, it would have been something else.  

    Do not reveal you are doing the LD.  He will think all your changes were a ruse to win him over, because you used a step by step guide.  Because he won't see it as a journey between you and Christ, where you are learning to love like Christ loves His church.

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