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Re: Day 39 - Love Endures

Day 39 - Love Endures

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  • The commitment letter… I knew this one was coming.  I was ready to put my love into words, and prayed about it the night before the dare.  I prayed about it more the morning of. 

    The morning of the dare, I had to do some extra praying to get in the mindset for this dare.  When I woke up in the morning, I noticed that when my husband finished playing video games the night before, he had shut the bedroom door partway before going downstairs.  This really gets to me.  I take it as an outward sign of rejection.  I leave the door open because he’s always welcome to come back to our bed, and if I’m in bed and he walks past it, he closes it.

    We had a normal Sunday morning.  I got our daughter fed and watching TV before I went to start getting ready for church.  I gave myself some extra time so that when I finished my shower, I would have some quiet time to write my letter.  While writing it, my husband came upstairs to see what I was doing.  He talked to me for a few minutes then told me to go back to writing and went back downstairs. 

    Our daughter and I went to church, and after church we all went to lunch and bought a new piece of furniture for the house.  The day almost felt normal.  He asked my opinion about the furniture and we made the decision together.  Afterwards, my father in law and I were looking at some couches and my husband quickly walked away from us while our backs were turned.  He headed over to the other side of the store, and we didn’t see him for a few minutes.  I had to stop where I was and pray for peace to not let all of the thoughts get into my head about what he was doing.  He had been checking his phone all through lunch.

    Later that evening, while our daughter was on the computer, I went outside on the porch to have some quiet time to pray and just take in the quiet of our neighborhood.  After a few minutes, I noticed him watching me from the upstairs window.  He saw that I saw him, so he came down and we visited for a few minutes.  I feel like he’s following me wherever I go in the house.  I’m happy that he’s checking on me to see what I’m doing, but I’m confused by it as well. 

    I rewrote my letter and had it ready to put with his work things while he was taking a shower the next morning.  I won’t write out the letter, but I said that I’ve let my pride and fear of rejection hold me back for too long in our marriage.  I talked about continuing to remind him that I was committed to our marriage while still respecting his desire for distance.  I felt pulled to add a part in it about counseling.  I invited him to come to counseling, not with me, but separate from me.  Eventually, we will have to start talking about what we’re doing, and it will be better to work through someone else.  I let him know that I don’t want him to go to counseling to change him… that I love the person that he is. 

  • Show him through example.... The best testimony there is.

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