I was extremely nervous to complete today's dare.
My wife has been living in her own place for a couple of weeks now. This week was an extremely busy week for her at work. What limited interaction we've had has been brief. I few text messages and a couple of quick IM's. I saw her in person on Monday to deliver a few items, but all in all it took about 10 minutes.
During her time away, it's been clear to me that she doesn't want much interaction with me and that she doesn't want me to bother her. Dares like this have been hard, but I know they serve a purpose to place my trust in God and to strengthen my relationship with Him. I've just been treading lightly with my wife in an attempt to maintain the limited relationship she and I have left.
I was afraid that today's dare might irritate her and push her away. But, I put my fear aside, and put my trust in God and followed through. I sent her a brief email.
It basically said that I hope all is well with her, I love her and I miss her. I went on to state that I am committed to making permanent changes in myself and I realize she doesn't trust me when I say that, but I'm growing in my relationship with God and through Him all things are possible. In a nutshell, I said that I recognize that I failed to apply his principles in my life and our marriage and that I was truly sorry for that.
I told her that I recognize she needs space, but I pray that in time I will be allowed an opportunity to regain her trust and her love. Whether it begins with a phone call, a lunch, or just a visit. I recognize it won't happen over night.
I concluded by saying that, the letter was not an attempt to change her mind. It was intended to simply let her know that whether we're together or apart, I love her. I always have and I always will. I then said that I hope she had a great weekend.
It was short and to the point. A departure from the rambling, over wordy emails I send. Much like my posts. :-)
I prayed hard all day that God would work in my wife and that I would choose the right words. I prayed that my words would be heard with an open heart and an open mind. I trust in God. Whether she takes my words to heart or ignores them, this is all part of his plan and I'm willing to go along with it.
Remember on this journey there will be many humble moments. Just let Christ mold you through it all