Back in December I told my husband that I want to help him achieve his dreams and goals. I really do. He is a brilliant man and has beautiful dreams. He always wants to learn. He constantly is getting opportunities to learn something new, which translates into him working more. He told him he doesn't do it for the money. Some extra work he takes on directly benefits his career goals and others are just for fun or helping other people out. One of my biggest complaints before was that he did not spend enough time with me and would always be taking these extra opportunities on. I see now how my thoughts were all about me. I was not getting enough time with him. What I failed to see was my husband's strong desire to learn new things and how it is such an important part of who he is. The way I can fulfill his dreams are supporting him when these opportunities come up and be willing to sacrifice spending time with him so he can go do these "jobs". Some jobs he has taken on, I can hang out so we can still be "together". I enjoy watching him work. One activity he has taken on was helping a family friend farm. I have thought about getting my license to drive the trucks to the grain elevator. So that we can still be working together. I would like to talk to my husband about this. If he does come back, which I think he will, my intention and desire is to get that license.
Another "dream" my husband has is to have a positive influence in the theater world. I believe he can do this by himself, but I think together we could make a better impact. The theater world is very broken like the rest of the world and it needs stable marriages to be good examples. My husband deals with a lot of kids who come from broken homes. He is a good counselor to them. I could help him fulfill this dream by supporting him. If a student calls and needs to talk, I can let him deal with it and not demand his time at that moment. Together as a couple we could invite students over or spend time with them outside of school. He does this already without me. I have found it hard in the past to hang out with theater people because it was hard to identify with them and I was often left out of conversations because it was all about theater which I didn't understand. I also had a selfish mindset. My husband didn't really pay much attention to me when we would hang out with theater people, so I would get upset. I should have been concentrating on him and his interactions with his students and friends; really investing in the people, getting to know them. If they don't want to ask questions about me that if fine. But I can fulfill my husband's dreams by just being with him and supporting him.
I also think my husband wants me to completely trust him. I can see how some questions I ask or my actions of making certain decisions have come across as not trusting him. He wants to be the leader of our family, but I have gotten in the way; I have a strong desire to lead. I have learned that it isn't bad to step up and be the leader in certain situations, but if you are always being the leader, you are not giving anyone else the opportunity to step up. I think that is what I was doing. I wanted my husband to lead, but I did not give him the chance. His dream is to lead me and for me to trust his leadership. I will admit, there are some things he does that I do not think are in our best interest. Should I just be quite about them and trust God or should I be honest with him and tell him? I have done this in the past and I fear that it comes across as not trusting him. Is there a way to approach that without coming across as saying "i don't trust you" or "i think your wrong"? That is not my intention.
I have read about husbands who make a risky decision and their wives supporting them even if they think it is too risky; and when it fails, the wives still support them. That is the kind of trust I want to possess.
I forgot to add that he does not want to lead me spiritually though.
First, if he cannot lead the home spiritually then you may have a problem. We are to love the Lord first. Which is a choice you may have to do right now without him.. But the more you love the Lord the better you can love your husband.
With that said. When you married you became one. You complete each other, and when a husband leads and does not look at that "complete each other" then there will be times that he guesses, or "wings it". And that is not a leader, that is selfishness.
Maybe it is best to approach him to let him know what Gods intent of oneness is. You will always hear, "God helps them that help themselves". That is just as deceiving as following your heart. God intended us to get help from others.