I have never before been a big reader of the Bible. I liked the stories as a child, of Noah, and Jonah among others. But actually reading it daily has been a recent thing for me. I used to open it up randomly and read a phrase and apply that to whatever troubles I had that brought me to the Bible in the first place. I would only read from it to gain strength. Now I read it daily to gain understanding as well.
Today I have felt so angry, and mostly just angry with myself. The reading I've been doing lately has a common theme of walking the fine line, being the righteous person. " For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish." and I think, I have not been a very righteous person. I have many faults and made many mistakes. I feel like I have been trying but I am failing. I still think about moving on without my hunny. I am not totally committed to keeping this relationship alive, and I think that by now in this journey I should be. I imagine that perhaps I was meant to fail. I used to think that I was meant to walk alone, and I would be fine with that. And yet, I cannot make any decision one way or another to stay or to go. So there is only one thing left for me to do. I have to give it all over to God and follow his lead, wherever it takes me.
You need to lead your heart back to your husband. With your focus on Christ, you will have no void, but do not mistake that for a reason not to need your husband.
Christ says you become one. And that is an important part of serving Christ.
And do not be angry with yourself. Realize it is a blessing now that you are listening and realizing.