I have sought help through counseling, my pastor, and a lady from church whom I respect very much. I have been going to the counselor since my husband left as well as I have been meeting my pastor. I have only met once with the lady from church since my schedule has been crazy lately. I get good advice from all of them and encouragement to keep working on my marriage and to make sure to take care of myself. They do hold me accountable. I also have a close friend that I can be completely honest with her about my actions and she will call me out if I am doing something stupid.
I talked with my counselor tonight. He is telling me to keep working and praying about my situation. He also said to ask God to prepare me for whatever happens, even if my husband asks for divorce.
Update about amazing happenings today: I got the job I applied for!!!!!!! I am going to the next conference held by Klemmer and Associates. I was going to go in March. I still had to pay airfare and hotel costs. Well, I have an opportunity to go next week and get the hotel free! God is providing! Praise be God's name! I feel so alive when I am working on myself. I ask God to continue to show me what needs work, so I can continue to be a light unto this world. My husband and I are finally talking tomorrow, after about a month! wow. I pray for him and ask God to bless him and his work. I would appreciate any prayers as we talk tomorrow night. Thanks! I know God will be with me.
It is very important in this journey to pray and ask for Gods will in your life and your ability to accept that.
Now, I know what it feels like to work on yourself, especially when things are having success. Be careful with that. You are married. you are one. At this time you are not in a situation where that becomes a big concern, but you maybe soon. If you start reconcilliation then that "oneness" is important.
You will always hear people say that you must be happy first.... And that is not true when it comes to marriage. So please be careful....
I do ask for God's will. I know I can get "carried away" with what I want. I want my husband and I want a marriage with him that will last. I know he has free will. So I ask God to remind me of his love for me and his salvation. I am not sure I understand your statement about being careful with working on myself. I am not going to make any decisions that take me away from my husband. I do want that oneness with my husband if he comes back. I do have concerns if he does come back: will he actually communicate and work on our marriage, will he love me, will he not work as much and make time for me. Cuz right now he is pretty much working from 8am-11pm. So I worry about that if he were to come back. Not sure how I would approach that situation. If I should be patient and let him do that at first or what? Not sure.
Oh I have heard from my mother in law that we both need to be happy. I know that is what the world says and honestly I get sick of hearing about it. Nowhere in the bible does it say we should be happy in marriage. It says we can find contentment and joy in every situation. My husband had replied once to that: well God wouldn't want us to be miserable.
Now read what you wrote very closely. Then go back and read the selfish dare. And why are you so focused on things that are not Christ?
If you trust Christ, these are all things that you need not worry about. Remember "He will bless the desires of your heart."
You are worrying about selfish desires. If you ask for God's will, why is yours still so strong here? God does not want us to be unhappy, and He will open the door to the situations you worry about. Just cast those worries and burdens upon Him. And focus on things above.
I bring up those worries because I had a counseling session and my counselor asked if I could live with my marriage if my husband came back with different values and beliefs. I pretty much told him I would have to because I don't believe in divorce and I would have to put my trust in Christ; that Christ would make his truth prevail. I know that all things are possible through Christ.
When you trust in Christ anything is possible. It is also a journey to the desires of your heart being blessed.