It was hard for me to find someone...I have a real good friend that she and I are VERY honest with each other about everything & we are always there for one another. Even when it comes to our marriages. It's great because she can help me get my head on straight when I am crazy & vice versa. However, she is my age and both of our marriages are "young". On the one hand she is a great friend and will always be honest with me, on the other hand- she doesn't exactly have "experience". So I kept thinking...I admire my husbands grandparents who have been married 57 years & are some of the coolest people I know...His grandmother still teaches Sunday school & is one of the nicest and most giving people I have ever met! But then my thoughts turned to my parents. My parents have been married for 32 years & they've had their ups and downs. When my husband brought to light his feelings, my mom was the ONLY person to tell me to show him I love him everyday & not to ever kick him out of the house. I didn't quite understand what she meant by that at the time. By "showing him I love him" I took it to mean to be overly affectionate & pretty much to be fake nice around him. I didn't understand that when my mom told me to pray that I had to listen to what God wanted, not just ask him for what I wanted. I don't give my parents enough credit... they really might know what they are talking about!
Today I was doing a bunch of stuff around the house & a thought popped into my head. I thougth about how my mom was always doing something: cooking, cleaning, weeding, etc. I didn't understand her motivation to WANT to do that stuff. Until today. Here I was washing the sliding glass doors from a million tiny fingerprints & it dawned on me. I don't think anyone acctually likes doing chores, housework, work, etc. But it's a necessity to feel secure & taken care of. For example, my husband works everyday for 8 or more hours. He makes ALL the money- he makes me and the kids feel safe financially & we know he will take care of us. In the past when I would complain from having "too much work" or because I didn't feel like cooking or cleaning, I think I might have made him feel like I didn't want to take care of him. How can I love him if I don't want to take care of him? Everyone wants to feel secure & taken care of...and I was neglecting to give that to him.
So back to my parents, when my mom would tell me to show him I love him & to take care of him...I would last a week or two but then the anger and the jealousy & the impatience would kick in. I didn't understand why I should take care of it all & he does nothing. The point my mom was trying to make was that I can show him I love him by making him feel taken care of. I wish I understood that a year ago. I don't always have to motivation to want to iron his shirts...again, but I do it for him. Because he will look nice. Because he will feel better about himself. Because I can try to make him feel taken care of by little things like that.
These things didn't just come to me out of nowhere, I know it is God's way of molding me into the person he wants me to be. I pray all the time...I know I can't do this without His help & guidance. He is so good to me, though I am not sure I deserve it. But I am grateful for the second (or third or fourth?) chance He is giving me. He is good!!
This realization that you have experienced is awesome. For more reasons than one. If you seek Christ He will bless the desires of your heart. In this situation most people would say their desires are this or that. But deep down it is to have wisdom to make things better.
As your journey moves on, if you are willing to listen and understand these things will happen more and more.....