I feel like I have an abundance of marriage mentors. Specifically my sister and my Stephen Minister. My sister loves me and is honest and loves GOD first so this encourages me to do the same. She has not experienced what I am currently going through but she has been divorced and is now remarried and very happy and blessed. My Stephen Minister has been a rock for me through this whole nightmare. She listens. She reminds me of my challenges and encourages me. I know GOD sent her to me as an incredible symbol of his love for me.
I also am blessed with friends who provide me with this support too. I don't think seeing a counseling will benefit me right now because they are not available weekly and I don't feel they understand how important GOD is to me in all of this. Other thing is I'm in the counseling field myself so I feel like I know what they are going to say to me. I don't feel like they can shed that much more insight into things.
As a couple we went to marriage counseling several times in the past but that didn't work out too well because he was not honest. We have even met with a priest who was amazing but still my husband was not completely honest. I worry about him because he does not have friends or anyone I know of that he talks to about what is going on with him. The choices he has made in the past on who to turn to has ended up being disastrous to our marriage. He's very private. A loner. Not invested in having friends....not social.
We did attend Retrovaille which I feel as amazing. He claims to have gotten some stuff out of it BUT it was also during the program that he was full blown into his affair. We met some amazing couples who I found so much inspiration from. One couple in particular saved their marriage after the husband had had multiple affairs. Watching them. Listening to them gave me so much hope. I contact the wife for support. They have been very supportive. They suggested we watch Fireproof and do the Love Dare. My husband has not reached out to anyone. It's just me that does it. I share with him what they say or what articles they send. I wish he would get some help. I feel like he needs help. He says he will go to counseling for himself and I have given him the number for hit. I can't make him. Tried that and it didn't work.
My hope is we will continue to participate in Retrovaille and the support it offers. I hope we will be able to attend a group with other couples who have been through this. My husband is not wiling to do any of that right now. So I will wait and be patient and pray. We have talked about how it is important to be with married couples who value marriage. He agreed which is a good sign.
Lastly I come here and get so much support, strength, love, guidance and honesty from Sean who is such a blessing!
Read your post.... You are depending on others to help your husband.... I do not see Christ anywhere in that. And HK, that is a manipulative road...
I understand 100% what you are saying... But you are still worrying about him, not your walk.
Right now you have to look at your husband as you would an addict. He has no interest in these things because he has no reason to worry about it. He thinks everything is fine.
And the more your walk with Christ goes on and the more Christ molds you the more conviction can come into his life. Eventually his life will hit bottom, just as your did. It was when you life hit bottom that you called upon Christ and started to put Christ in your life. The same will need to happen with your husband. But Christ is not going to let that happen until you can be the testimony that your husband will need. Again, there is a reason this journey was placed with you first.
UGH. You are of course right again. What's wrong with me that I was so focused on him talking to someone else??!! I guess because that is what I am used to doing. Of course I want him to find some peace and comfort and feel the incredible LOVE that I do from GOD. I think it's hard because he's not a Christian. BUT like you said I cannot worry about him. I need to focus everything on my walk with Christ.
I guess it blows my mind that he has not hit rock bottom yet. With all the lies, deception, betrayal, hurt, heartache, and it goes on and on. BUT my mind knows that everyone has different rock bottom. My heart just doesn't get it!!! What else has to happen for him to get it?!! I can't help him. AS much as I want to help him and take care of him .....I can't. He needs something so much bigger ....he needs GOD.
SO it's all up to me then to be that testimony. Such a huge responsibility but GOD knows best. I have to trust in his will for my life...my marriage...my husband's life.
Dont let it bother you he has not hit rock bottom yet. Christ still needs to mold you more before that can happen.
Remember Christ put you on this journey first for a reason. I know in my situation I had to be ready for the situation that brought my wife to her knees. And I am certain, I was not ready any sooner than it happened. Remember Christ will NEVER give you more than you can handle.... And right now what it would take to bring your husband to his knees may be more than you can handle at the moment. Christ needs your testimony.
Yeah you are right. GOD is always on time never late. I'm just selfishly impatient and wish it could happen already. I will try to think of it as a blessing that CHRIST is giving me this needed time to perfect this....to be all that I can be for my husband thru Christs love.
Of course it bothers me but nothing I can do about him and what he's doing. I have no control over that. Can only hand it over to GOD to take care of. Best thing I can do like you have said is stay the course and keep on this journey and let Christ mold me.
HK, I'm in the exact same boat as you. I couldn't figure out why God was taking so long to work on my husband, but thanks to you and Sean I now understand. God has to complete his work in me, before my husband reaches rock bottom, not so that I'll be there when he needs me, but so that I can be His testimony. I know now that only God can help him. That's not my place and never was. So time to stop meddling in God's work.
Have you started the journey of the dare?
I did the dare twice already, but just couldn't complete all the dares.
Take a look at my journals. The dare is something that you must trust Christ in. Give up all your control to Christ.
I am here daily and am willing to be here if you would like insight to each day.