Throughout my journey I have been lucky enough to have so many strong Christian mentors to turn to for advice. I have a close family and network of friends and the people on lovedarestories.com have been a gift to my spirit as well. I wonder in all of this if it is always the best decision that we take the advice of others; it seems to keep biting me in the butt.
My sister suggested I hide my facebook profile from my husbands family and friends until the divorce is over. I don't know why, I have nothing to hide, I don't fool around or have dealings with shady people. I went ahead and did this thinking that maybe it was in my best interest and really didn't think that they would notice. My husband had been asking me accusingly about people I was talking to on FB anyway, even though it turned out to be innocent. So, I thought maybe it would actually help. Fast forward to yesterday....He noticed and he was mad. He thinks I have something to hide now, and frankly it probably looks like I do even if I don't. I look like a big dummy either way so I unblocked them last night.
My aunt, seeing how upset I am about not knowing what his family has been told and what I hear he has been telling everyone else about our separation (lies), said that it may be a good idea to write a letter to get everything off of my chest. My aunt had a crazy daughter in law who is no longer in her step son's life and she said it made her feel 100 lbs lighter to get everything off her chest and write the girl a letter. I wrote a letter, and kept writing a letter for over a week. I stewed on it, I reread it countless times, and it took days for me to come to the decision whether to send it or to not send it. In the end, becuase I thought to myself, "I would do anything to fix things, so if I do not employ my mother in law as one of those resources (she being one of the strongest Christian people I know) that I would regret it if things end in divorce. Then I would think I should have." So, in the end I sent the letter. Turns out my husband had been hiding alot of the details from her. In this letter I admitted my own faults as well, I know it wasn't a one-way street. I was completely honest, and now he says he didn't want her to know things that weren't her business to begin with. He is very angry with me now, and I don't know what to do about it. I told him I was trying to help our relationship in any way that I can and that I wasn't trying to hurt him. Even if it hurts him temporarily I have to pray that in the end it was the right decision to make.
I think that from now on I am just going to follow my heart and not listen to any advice that sounds harmful to my relationship with my spouse. I was forced to get a lawyer because my time was legally running out and those lawyers told me to break communication with him completely. I haven't done that, and it hasn't hurt me yet, so I believe that following your gut and alot of prayers are the only answer for me right now.
Nothing could be worse for you right now. First there is nothing more deceiving in this world than your own heart. So DON'T FOLLOW IT. You need to learn to LEAD IT!!!!! If you are not familiar with that, then I suggest you read the appendix (all of it) in the back of the dare. You really need to read all of it.
Listening to others. Well this could work both ways. But you need to seek Christ in each decision. And trust Him 100%. That is what this journey is about. He will never steer you wrong, and He is NEVER late.
When you hid your facebook. He got upset, which means that he still loves you. He is still jealous. If not he would not care. So, if he wants the divorce then, tell him it is not his business.
Writing the letter. I think was a good think. Yes he is going to get mad. That is called conviction. God convicted him for his wrongs.
During your journey Christ will work on him. But you need to realize that this is a journey with you and Christ. Not you and your husband. Listen to each and every dare, and what Christ is teaching you. Christ MUST come first, and until that happens He will find ways to humble you.
Thanks for the advice. I finished the dare, and actually had a breakthrough. There is conversation about reconciliation, but no definate decisions have been made. We have both been hurt very deeply and it will take time, but I truly believe that this Dare has changed my life. Since I am finished I will take a couple of days to really study the appendices and then start the dare over again. Again, thank you for all of your help and advice. I respect what you do here, and pray that someday I can be in the same place, paying it forward.
The journey is not over. It is a lifetime.
And as for being in the same place. Just read the posts, and comment as Christ helped you. Where you were weak, point it out in the situations you see. I was lucky in my start of the journey, I had my sister to point out my problems. When I was still trying to control, or manipulate, etc... And many people do not have that around them.
And I have to tell you. Not only does it help others, it helps my continuing journey with Christ each day I am here.
I am so happy to hear about your breakthrough. But one piece of advice, don't give up. Continue your growth with Christ.