This day did not go well. It started off pretty usual as of late. The trouble started at night when my wife wanted to talk.
As mentioned in day 31 and 32, we had met with our counselor on Monday and basically what was decided was we would do a separation. Speaking before thinking, I immediately blurted out that I move out (bad move). I spoke again with the counselor later that day and we decided we would meet Wednesday morning, today. When I met with him, we discussed many things, like our behaviors. Basically we decided that I would tell my wife that I made a rash decision and could not move out. I needed to be the father and husband in the situation, and me moving out was not setting a good example.
When I told my wife this, she went off. Basically saying that I hadn’t changed on bit, I’m a terrible father, a terrible husband, pointing out all my mistakes. I stopped loving her, I gave up on her and our relationship, I can’t pleasure her. Everything she said was like her driving a knife through my heart. I never knew anyone could be so mean. I’ve never seen, let alone experienced something first hand, so hurtful. I should have walked away immediately, and I tried. But she just kept drawing me back in. Finally I did, but the damage had already been done. She’s going today to file for divorce and get a lawyer. She thinks everything I’ve been doing was just a rouse.
Every day, I pray for God to show me what his will is for me and my marriage. What is his perfect plan. I just don’t understand why I have to lose the most important thing to me in this world, my wife. She is so wonderfully beautiful, loving, and caring. For someone who is and has been so close to God her whole life, why she would walk away from another marriage. I didn’t abuse her, cheat on her. I took very good care of her and the kids. Why doesn’t she see that? She only see’s what I did wrong. Not showing her love as often as I should. I’m so worried about the kids too. Our youngest is only 2.5 and our oldest is 16 and has had to go through 3 previous divorces. I can already seeing it taking a toll on our youngest. I realize that I was not, am not perfect. That’s why I’ve changed so much about me and how I see and do things.
She is not in a place where you are with Christ.. You cannot let her venom bother you she is speaking out of following her heart. Which she is being deceived.
You have changed, she knows it. In fact, that is why things will get worse before they get better. She needs to justify her actions and it is not fair to her.