Well, my husband did come home from the bar last night around 12:45am. I told myself that the next time that he stayed at the house that I would complete dare 32. It definitely did not go as planned. It is okay though because I know that God is teaching me something, even though it hurt to be rejected. At first he was going along with it, but just a little into us actaully having sex he said, "Melissa, we have to stop doing this." So, I stopped and told him that I was sorry and that I would never want to make him do something that he didn't want to do. He said that he knew that. I also decided that I would complete dare 33 as well. I told him that I wanted him to know that I need his perspective and counsel in my life. I explained that my weaknesses are his strentghs. I also said that I understand that I did not honor that in the past, but in the future I want to seek that. He didn't respond.
I have so much love built up inside of me for my husband. I am just exploding with love for him. I want to share it with him so badly. I truly believe in this oneness, that God put us together to complete one another. This is the first time in probably a couple of weeks that I truly believe that I cannot live without him and that I need him in my life. For the past couple of weeks I have been so focused on my journey with Christ that I have put a wall up. I was not allowing my true love for my husband to shine. This week has probably been the most difficult through this entire journey. I don't think I know how to put God first in my life and focus on loving him, but love my husband as well. I pray for God to carry me. I want nothing more than to have God first in my life, to love him with my whole body, mind, and soul, but then show my husband a love that he has never experieced before. I have never felt this way about my husband before. I have never felt like I needed him as much as I do now. I have never felt so incomplete without him. I know that God desires with me, what I desire with my husband. I hope that I am expressing this as well to God.
You are not expressing the same to God. In fact it seems at this point you have number 1 and number 2 crossed.
The way you express yourself in this post about your husband should be Christ. And what you are expressing for Christ should be your husband.
I hope that makes sense. And you CANNOT have the oneness that God intended without God!
I DON't get it Sean! I just don't understand. God is first in my life. I know that now. I cannot live without Him. I am seeking Him every day all day. The thought of me not having a relationship with Him makes my heart break. I never want to go back to where I was before this journey started. I just don't understand how to love my husband now. I don't understand how I can go days without seeing him or talking to him, but be showing him that I love him. It just doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't make sense how just completing a dare once a day shows my husband love. I have been praying for a long time now for God to teach me how to love my husband better. I don't know. Maybe I am just looking into it too much. I am known for that. i always want to do everything perfect. I don't ever want to do anything wrong. You have said numerous times, God is not the author of confusion. You love Him first to love your husband better? Maybe this is Satan trying to throw me off track.
I am sure it is... Remember these dares are between you and Christ. Your husband is a tool. This journey is allowing Christ to mold you more in His image. By doing so, the molding that takes place will be noticed by your husband. Christ will make sure of that.
Christ is Love... Without that you cannot love. Your entire life you thought you knew what love was. That is why it was never satisfied. it was made by expectations of the world. You did not have Christ, you had the worlds belief.
Now that you are in Christ, love is so much easier. It is real. Just like technology, people make it harder than it needs to be.
Always remember this. The world is a complicated place to manage, not Christ. Not love.