We are in the midst of getting our house ready for my sister and nephew's visit. They will be here in a few hours. It's always crazy making before anyone comes cuz we are frantically trying to clean the house. Usually I am very stressed and impatient but today I prayed and was determined not to freak out about what he did or did not do. SO far so good. Another positive thing this evening was he made a very insensitive comment at dinner and I did show my dissatisfaction about it but later spoke to him and explained why that was hurtful. And I LET IT GO. Normally I would still be going off about it and it would just be an ongoing argument. He knows when he is pushing my buttons and I am NOT reacting. I'm just staying calm and praying and doing what GOD would want me to do.
Regarding sex......I think I have fallen into some of that hysterical bonding stuff where you want to have more sex after learning what your spouse did kind of as a way to mark your territory or feel like you are in control. Yes it's purely selfish and probably manipulative too. It's the only source of pleasure or escape that I had during my darkest moments. Do I get sick thinking of him having sex with that other woman. You bet! but I cannot allow myself to stay there because I will go insane and want to do mean and evil things. I just give that thought over to GOD. I wish I could never ever think about it again or remember what I saw. Since starting the DARE I don't feel I am doing it to be selfish or manipulative. I just want to feel close to my husband. He seems to have a more difficult time because he says he can not just go from us having a huge argument and then being intimate. I told him to "fake it till you make it". So I will continue to express to him my love through fulfilling his sexual needs. I will also PRAY that GOD bless us in this area of our marriage.
It is good that you are starting to minimize your reactions. Praise God daily for that strength.
As for the sex. Well you are to complete each other. But be careful with manipulative intent. Remember Christ will fill any void you have and comfort you.
I am a different person than I was when I started the dare. I have made some positive changes. I have grown in my relationship with CHRIST. I know I still have a ways to go and lots more learning and growing but I feel good that it's started. It's a step in the right direction. Only direction that is important. I want to be closer to GOD and love him first!
You are different... And you will continue to be. Gods love is one that grows everyday. And with that so do you!