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Day 31 Feeling of dought

Day 31 Feeling of dought

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  • Hey Everyone,

    I finally found were I could write the post. I'm on day 31 of the LD book and it has been quite a journey for me. God has really opened my eyes to see things in a whole new perspective. My wife on the other hand is in this " I did no wrong" mentality after I found out that she was cheating and even caught her in a hotel with the guy. Things got very heated between her and I, and what made it worse it was right before Christmas. Now with that being said I also have not much room to talk because I have my fair share of wrongs but I never went as far as she took it. I confided in other women when my wife was pushing me to the side. We have had an extensive history due to a lot of ups and down from outsider. DSS was called in for some false allegations from my ex wife. My step kids were taken from the house for almost 3 weeks, I couldn't have any contact with mine for almost a month. Not to mention other things that have stacked on top of that from rumors to drama. Well I left the day after Christmas in anger and self awareness for my self because I do have a bad temper and Christmas night she hit me out of anger. For the next 2-3 weeks my life was almost suicidal but my kids.. all 5 of them 2 biological and 3 steps  were the only things keeping me going. Around my birthday Jan 12, my wife and I actually started talking somewhat and it's been a very very slow up hill from there. Come to find out she was still talking to that guy and they were actually getting very close to the point were she started to push me away from what little bit of progress that we made. Then he got really sick and ended up in the hospital in ICU on the vent. Now this guy was also married. I believe that that was Gods doing to separate the infidelity that was going on. My wife claims to not have had any contact with the guy since he was in the hospital but she has been getting friends to keep tabs on him. I am pleased to say that things are looking up in a way for my marriage, but my wife is bi-polor and when just gets in these moods I don't know which way to turn. she goes and says the most hurt things to me, she brings up our hurtful past and the things "I" have done to hurt her. She has to much pride and is affaird of admitting her wrong. she even went as far as telling me that she don't even fell bad about doing it. I guess you can say was are co-existing right now. I've been staying back at the house most nights. I have been doing things around the house as if I never left , but when the topic of me moving back in comes up she tells me that I'm not moving back in that the house is her now and her kids. she gets very defensive about it. Then the next time it comes up it " YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE ME TIME". but yet she wants me to stay and be there with her. Can you say mixed signals. This past week  is the first week that I have stayed the full week. I told her the week before that the weeks that I have my boys that I will not be staying the night unless my boys stay to and she told me that's not going to happen. So I don't know what to think. she does get overloaded with stress very easy which don't help either. AND I was also brought up old school you did what mom and dad told you or you got your butt cut. she on the other hand will let her kids run her over until she's gets mad enough then cusses and raises cane with them and then spanks them.

    The last few days I've had this since that she still don't want this marriage because I think that she still have a thinking that he still going to leave his wife for her. She will tell me that she loves me even saying it first to me before I can say it to her. but she gets in these mood to where I fill like I'm just there to be there. Today she asked me to skipping going to Sunday service tomorrow and go walk the flea market with her. I really want to go to church and I REALLY want her to go with me, but I'm sure what to do. I know I need to pray about it. I want to spend the time with my wife but I don't want to desert God either.

     

    Prayers and blessing needed please.

     

    BTW this is my 2nd marriage and really want this one to work!!!

  • Try posting under the community tab, in the love dare journal section next time if you can.  This are of the site doesn't get read often.

    You may have already realized this is a journey between you and Christ, not you and her.  She will be used as a tool to mold you in the dares.

    Read the appendix if you haven't, especially about leading the heart.

    She will be on a roller coaster ride, going up and down.  Where you need to maintain a consistent testimony in doing a dare a day, no more, no less.  And do not manipulate the dares to make them easier.  

    Welcome.  

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