At this point in our marriage, there are very few leaving issues. We have in the past had to rely on my parents to assist us when by my mistakes we lost our income. We moved into my parents second house and until a couple years ago continued to struggle financially, and were barely able to pay our bills let alone give them rent. We also filed bankruptcy. These things are held over my head as well as my mistakes from the past, and she has never forgiven me for many of my mistakes. Until recently when I truly repented, I had never forfgiven myself either. I do feel like a different person since I've gotten saved by His Grace, and ask for salvation and redemption daily.
At this point, we are more comfortable financially and were planning to move until all of this happened. Also, we had just bought her a new car and were planning on getting me a truck next spring. I am trying to obtain a vehicle now as I am left home with our children and no vehicle when Shelly leaves. I won't let her go without taking a vehicle so she has the option to come home at any time. Also, I leave our outside light on all the time for her.
I have asked God to show me any areas where I need to cut ties with people to strengthen my marriage, and have asked that He do the same in her heart. I had no contact with Shelly today, as I want to let God work on her w/o interfering. I have made my marriage the top priority after my relationship with the Lord. Shelly already knows this from what I've said and done lately, and is rejecting me at this point. I have made a lot of changes in my life recently and feel much more positive.
I met with one of my pastors today and it was very uplifting. He said that he feels this rejection is from her internal convictions and to allow God to continue working. Shelly's parents also think she knows what she's doing is wrong, I intend to continue counseling with him, and if Shelly comes home, I want to get her into counseling with me to redeem our marriage under God. I continue to pray for strength and peace, and for Him to continue to fill her with the Holy Spirit. I will accept any advice anybody can give me at this point. Thanks
Your pastor hit the nail on the head...her rejection, hurtful words and actions are because of her own convictions. She will do things to push your buttons on purpose to see if the old Jason will come back and also does it to try and justify herself. This is where you stand strong in Him my friend...always praying for His armor.
Thanks Jenn. That's how I have come to be in the last few days. I'm focused on walking with Him, getting better spiritually, and taking care of my children. I do pray for her daily and so do the kids. I appreciate your kind words.
I just found out from someone that Shelly recently has been posting some things on Facebook, imbellishing the truth of our past to justify her actions to people who apparently told her they disagree with what she's doing. I am not on FB, so I don't know exactly what was said, just what someone told me. I am sure that this guy is reminding her everyday about things that have happened, and trying to buy her affection as he does have some wealth. I am staying firm to my faith and praying for the truth to be revealed in her heart.
You've got it...staying firm with your faith and praying for her. This is proof of exactly what was mentioned above...I used to be so pissed that my husband told his coworkers/friend of my wrongdoings (I'll admit it since it is all over my journal entries - physical activity with OM, but praise God it didn't go all the way), but not telling them of when he slept with a coworker. Now I just tell myself God's conviction is way way more than what I could ever "do to him," so I leave it ALL up to Him. Truth is a powerful thing...in His time it will all work out (know I have to remind myself of this too still).
Geat job jenn