Collaborate without boundaries

Day 31

Day 31

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  • Previously posted this in the wrong forum.

    I didn't really get to complete today's dare and I'm having mixed feelings about it.

    I had my first session with my counselor this week and it went great.  He's a very nice individual and I feel blessed that God has led me to him.  One of my first homework assignments was to read Matthew 7:24-27.  I read it last night and it really hit home.  I'm definitely the fool who built his house on a foundation of sand and let it crumble.  In other words, I did not follow Christ's principles and therefore he was not the rock upon which the foundation of my marriage was built.

    My wife moved out earlier this week, so our communication has been limited.   My counselor has advised that I be very careful about what I communicate to my wife via email or text message.  Too much can be misinterpreted in emails and text.  He's advised in person communication or phone calls.

    Anyway, about today's dare.  I reflected on it and realized that we both have leaving issues.  We actually talked about this at counseling.  He brought up leaving and cleaving when I told him that my wife feels like she went from her parent's home with their rules, to my home with my rules.  I think she has some leaving issues that causes her to be too concerned about what her parents think.

    At the same time, I have leaving issues too.  But not so much with my parent's.  I seek their advice, but like my wife, I often worry about what her parent's will think.  My parents know me and my faults very well.  Her parent's do not.  They have an entirely different way of living then my parents, so I've always felt like I needed to try harder to impress them or to not disappoint them.

    I think both of our leaving issues have prevented us from cleaving to each other.  We've never been our own independent unit.  We often seek the advice or the approval of our parents (mostly hers).  We've never just trusted each other and made our own decisions.

    My problem is, I'm not sure how to express this to my wife today.  We did have a brief phone call.  I called because I wanted to send her dad a father's day card and I couldn't remember her parent's address (that's embarrassing).  During the call she asked me how my "meeting" went.  I simply said, "It was good.  He's really nice.  I think it will help me a lot."  She said, "That's good."  I wanted to say, "Look what I learned.  Look what I talked about.  You should come!"  But I resisted the urge.  I don't want to push counseling on her.  Slow to speak...

    I didn't get an opportunity to bring up my thoughts on our "leaving" issues during our call.  I debated sending it in an email, but I don't want her to misinterpret it.  Until now, I've completed every dare on the day I've read it.  I've definitely put a lot of thought in, and i've made a promise to myself that I'll be more conscious of my leaving issues in the future.

    Is it okay to complete some dares a day or two, or a week later.  I will see her this weekend, so the opportunity may present itself then.  

    Have others done that?  

  • There are times the dares cannot be completed. But.... You need to trust Christ more. And do them if at all possible.

    Remember this is a journey between you and Christ not you and your wife.

    This time you manipulated the dare doing it your way. And I know.... I have been there. This would push her away, or make her mad.

    But yet, this is when you show your faith, your trust in Christ, that no matter what you think, that you know Christ is with you. And if she does get mad, then you know Christ has a reason for it.

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