Day 31 love and marriage. (This all Happend Yesterday)

Ok so I have to admit todays dare i feel like i did it yesterday. Which is good. Either way i still prayed today. Prayed for him and about him. Prayed for myself. Prayed for us. Today I went through the day like normal. I got to work and i remembered I hadn't payed my phone bill. So i went to pay it and that's when i made the mistake at checking his phone log. And then i found out he is talking to other women. i could have cried, but i didn't. i was honestly more calm than i expected. We were texting on the phone and i asked him if i could call him when i got off of work. So did. I thought i was going to lash, but i didn't. but i started asking him if he had ever cheated when we were together. he said no. If he ever talked to another girl when we were together. he said no. Are you talking to any other girl besides me right now. And he said no. He lied. He then asked me where it was coming from and i said it was just something on my mind. That i had been giving all my truth to him but sometimes i felt he wasn't giving anything in return. no details of himself. He said he understood. I told him if he was talking to someone else to let me know because i would want to know what i'm up against. Cause right now i think i'm competing with my old self and i'd like to know if i was competing with anyone else. He said he understood. Angel and i are not married by the way. He is my high school sweet heart. We went our separate ways after high school. He went to air force i went to the navy. But we always were looking for each other. When i got out in 2008 from active duty he also got out a few months later. at first i felt i wasn't ready to be with him but he doesn't take no for an answer. so we moved forward. Problem was i had ptsd from a sexual assault and he had ptsd from Irag. I didn't know i had it, but he knew he had his. In time my ptsd came out in anger, rage, isolation, sexual selfishness, jealousy, depression. His came more when mine hit and he thought i was cheating, but i wasn't. But then he started getting depressed and isolating. After he lost his job it got worse. We always were fighting. He never wanted to spend time with me and the baby. it was like a chore for him. At the beginning of the year he said he needed to to work on himself. That he loved me, but he was too messed up to stay and he had to really work on himself and get help and find a job. i said i understood, but that i would always fight for us. He told me if he moved on or was talking to someone else he would tell me so i could let go and stop pursuing him. so i could move one, but to not hang on to him. to go and do things. A week later i started doing the dares. After he left. And it's helped me in so many ways. I just pray it's helping us in the end. That he sees that my heart has changed.

Can you pray for Gods will in his life even if it does not include you? That is a very important question. If not, maybe your prayers are selfish in so many ways.

Take the time, focus just on Christ and seeking the wisdom to understand His will right now.

I always pray for God's will in Angel's life even if it doesn't include me.  I have come to know that regardless of what happens between angel and i that Angel sees the greatness in me that he will want to come to Christ as well.  I pray every day that Angel has that desire for God and that God will lead him in the right direction no matter where it leads him.  I know we all have selfish tendencies, but when i pray for Angel i pray for him not for me.  

Thats great. I have learned one of the best ways to determine our own selfihness, is to leave ourselves out of the selfish prayers... It can be very hard...