I realized this issue not too long after my husband gave me the dreaded news. My parents and him got off on the wrong foot to begin with...so thier relationship has been rocky, at best. Sometime after having kids I let them start to take the control a bit more in my life again. I was hard to break away from them in the first place, and I didn't even realize this until my husband told me he didn't love me!!! So I made it a point to talk to my parents & siblings and let them know I love them all, but my priorities lie with my husband and family before them. I have had time to think about what is important in our life versus what my partents expect me to do with my life & my kids life. It's hard coming from my background, but it has been liberating in a way.
I have apologized to my husband about this & he has told me on several occasions how proud he was of me taking those steps to break away. He does still see them as a thorn & another reason he thinks we shouldnt be together- he doesn't think they'll ever really leave us alone.
I took the time to refocus on God today & the day was great :) I am seeing changes in my husband and I want to "interpret" them, but I am trying not to. I don't want to assume I know what God is thinking/doing with my husband. For example, this morning he washed the dishes, unloaded the dishwasher and took out the trash before work. We have been able to bring back a pleasant atmosphere in the house since we're not so stressed about how to act around each other. it's acctually nice here :)
I feel I might have spent the weekend stressing and trying to read into everything again...and I had to stop. WHen I litterally pray and ask God to help, He always does. God has been talking through me today- to a friend who needed me, I told her to talk to God. I won't deny wanting to know what is going on, if anything is going on inside my husband... I want to know if there is progress...but I think this is where my lesson in patience really needs work. I realize I must not take control back from our Lord & just let Him work. Sometimes it is a lot easier said than done, but in the end I let God do it His way!
A side note...I just realized today is one year since my husband sat me down & told me he didn't love me anymore. I thought I would go nuts if this whole thing took more than a month, then a couple months then a year. Now I know anything is possible as long as I let God do His job. I realized today what a blessing this past year has been for me...how much I have grown and learned from this whole experience. I am also thankful that this happened "early" in our marriage (6 years) so that the rest of our lives we might be able to love unconditionally & wonderfully- each other & God! I understnad more and more everyday that EVERYTHING has a purpose!
There is a lesson in each and every thing that we go through trusting Christ. And even when we don't. It is just harder to understand when we dont.
We are all experts in asking Christ for things, we need to become experts now, in listening. We will not always have the wisdom immediately, but if we are patient, Christ will always bless us with the knowledge we seek.
Thank you for your post. I'm a month in right now and I'm having a very difficult time dealing with my wife telling me she doesn't love me anymore. I can't imagine a year passing and me feeling the way I do on a daily basis, but after reading your post, I have hope. I also need to let God do His work on both of us and not try to control anything.
My prayers are with you :)
It is hard... But remember God will never forsake you. It is our selfish nature that makes us believe otherwise. But that will change as you grow in Him.