Today was one of the most difficult days of this journey. My Mom called today to inform me that my aunt’s cancer is back and that my grandpa went to the hospital this weekend and they are moving him to a nursing home because he doesn’t have much time left. On top of my marriages current state, moving an entire house in 3 days, finding out that my husband IS moving in with me, and now this, I just broke. I know that there is a reason for all of this and that I will be learning many lessons, but sometimes I just say to God, “Okay, I don’t know how much more I can handle?” Then He shows me I can handle more and that I am becoming stronger and stronger every day. My faith in Him is growing and I’m slowly letting go.
Looking back to approximately 3 months ago, if this was happened in my life, I would be a complete mess. I wouldn’t be able to work, live life, and I would just sulk in my pity. God’s timing is impeccable isn’t it? He has truly prepared me for this. I spent a lot of time in prayer and the word before my husband came home. Once he came home I greeted him with a hug like usual and asked how his day was, but immediately went to my room and continued praying. Every night we read the Bible and pray together so before I asked him to if he wanted to read I prayed that God would give me strength, but when we sat down to read, the moment I opened my mouth to read the first word, I started crying. I explained to him what my Mom had told me about my aunt and grandpa. He said that he was sorry. I asked if he would read and he agreed. It is only the second time he has read so I’m thankful for that. When we were done reading I asked if he would like to pray and he said no. So I prayed and cried the whole time. This is difficult for me. I want my husband to be here for me. I want my husband to just hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I can even see where my selfishness comes in with this situation. I want my husband to feel bad for me. (So I prayed for forgiveness for my selfishness) God will fill these voids though and He will comfort me. I need to learn to just lean on Him and not my husband.
With all of this it was difficult for me to focus on the Love Dare. Since round 1 I have been asking God to reveal anything in both mine and my husband’s heart that is threatening oneness. Our communication is not good. God needs to teach me how to communicate better with my husband because he is a non-communicator and doesn’t like to talk much. I also do not believe that either of us serve or honor each other as the Trinity does. I am learned this though. I will continue to pray for our marriage and oneness. I just pray that God’s will be done in both of our lives and our marriage and that we are able to accept it.
First. God will never give you more than you can handle. In fact these times of trial, are ones that prepare you for others.
As for your husband. My wife was (still is some what) the same way. She still fears praying in front of others, Including me and even my daughter when I am away.
But I have to tell you. My wifes growth is getting so much better. In our Church, she was invited to a Bible study, and she prayed hard for the strength to do it... And she did.
Then another group. It is so amazing how far she has come. But when you pray, make sure to pray for his weaknesses. God will work on them.
Remember, he probably thinks you are so much more advanced than him in the ability to pray and does not want to say the wrong thing. Even though that is almost impossible to do. But again, he feels he may be judged. It is not you, I am sure of it.
This is one of the reasons it is so important to find a good Church. One that the people are there for each other, not for social status etc...
Thanks so much for the input Sean. I do believe that my husband feels like I'm way more advanced than him. When we married he agreed to pray before dinner one night a week and I did the rest. I felt that was a good compromise since before we got married he wouldn't pray at all. Kind of a funny story, everytime when he was done praying I would say, "GREAT JOB." I'm a teacher so it is natural to me. He asked me to stop because he didn't like me commenting on his prayers. I understand why now.
Also, I like the idea of praying for his weaknesses. I pray for his faults, but I am going to add weaknesses to the list.
Not only add weaknesses, but take away faults. God has put you together to complete each other, hence the oneness of God's intention of marriage. His faults are also your area of oneness.
His faults are his to claim, not yours...