Collaborate without boundaries

Re: WAR and VENOM!

WAR and VENOM!

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  • Goodness, just on the cuff of this dare, all day spouse was elusive.

    When I came from choir practice, found spouse sick saying the beer has made him feel unwell.

    so i start to help him, a naging feeling comes over me and i reach for his phone to find a message from HER.

    I ask him what is password is and he, takes the phone, has the brazen mind to reply to her right there and then and locks the phone.

    I ask him why he is doing this and how this is not healty for us bla bla bla....

    he's not hearing it and starts shouting and insulting.

    All the while HER texts are comming in and it has the strength to take time out to read her texts then get back to screaming at me, hitting the floor with his fists.

    It was alot for me to take in, I took off my rings and handed them to him.

    He could care less.

    I told him that he does not deserve me and that I needed better, He just railed and said he didnt give a damn.

    All this time, clutching on his phone.

    I went away alone to pray and just cried all night to God and asked for Gods forgiveness for all that i had done to make this what it is.

    I realised that all I wanted God gave me, but that I never made time to seek out what GOD wants for me.

    My tears were not for my marriage but for my relationship with the Lord.

    Spouse crached on the floor, I went to lay by him and just continued to talk to God all night.

    I woke up the Sunday, and decided not to go to church but that I would get away to a quiet place and spend time with God.

    When spouse awoke, I asked if he wanted breakfast, he barked out that he wanted coffee.

    I got the coffee adn found him clutching my rings.... and his phone!

    I just served the coffee and went to book a hotel room where I spent last night alone and it was wonderful.

    It was just me and God.

    I prayed like never before. I felt like i was being pampered and that God and I were reconciling.

    woke up this morning and I cried coz I did not want to go back home. there was so much peace and joy where I was that I just the Lord that I do not want to haev a marriage where he is not LORD. I do not want to have any area of my life, free from His ways and His pressence. I am willing to forsake all the idols i have made so that He can be first.

    I was lead to pray for God to forgive spouse for he does not know what he is doing in terms of the damnation of his own soul in the eyes of the Lord.

    Now, I did not tell spouse where i was going because I felt like it was like sticking my hand in a moving fan.

    I just told him that I was going for a walk.

    This was not about spouse, it was about me and God.  I have changed in that I no longer see it that God is only God if things work out with spouse, God is God already. With and without spouse in my life.

    Also, spouse really is the tool that Christ is using. All these have driven me to my knees and I would have NEVER been in this place but for the outside pressure that has been exerted on me through spouse. Its called intertia, I learned that word a few days ago.

    I dont even know where to place spouse now taking consideration all these things.

    Well, the only place to him is where God is leading me through these dares to be honest.

    I feel fresh, I feel like I have drunk from the living water and I am not thirsty for the things I wanted before.

    I prayed  and asked God to bless me with annointing of revelation, so that where ever I go, people will have the desire to consider their hearts before the Lord.

    That people will have a revelation of how the Lord sees them and that they would cry out to seek the Lord and be saved.

    All i wanted in life, God gave me, now I want what God wants for me.

    Now this is the day after dare 29, I am in the hotel room right now on day 30.

    I am about to read the dare for day 30.

  • Pardon me, I meant this is the evening of dare 30 and I am about to read the dare for today, dare 31.

  • Don't cry about going home... Serve the Lord by doing so. Do your dares and that's it. And by doing so you will expose a testimony that allows Christ to convict your husband in all he does.

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