We have so many areas of division in our marriage that I didn’t know where to start with this one. The four biggest are disciplining our daughter, money, sleeping in separate areas of the house, and communication. I prayed about whether or not to talk to my husband about this at this point, and really felt it was not time for this yet. Two areas where I can start bringing us back together on my own are with disciplining and communication.
I haven’t respected my husband’s position enough as a father in the past. He demands respect of our daughter, and I like for her to make her own decisions. I never want her to feel as if she has to hide her true feelings. When she’s mad, I want her to say that she’s made, and when she disagrees with us, I want her to tell us why. The challenge is going to be finding a way for her to do those things while maintaining respectful words and actions towards my husband. She seems to understand that we’re changing the way we speak to him, and she occasionally runs things by me before saying it to him. She gets hurt when I take his side since I’ve stood with her against him more than once, but she needs to understand that he and I are one. Our daughter and I have prayed about this together. We’re both working on covering our words in love when we speak to anyone else, especially my husband.
Communication is another division. I always had something else to do and someone else to talk to. I’d talk to anyone but him on my drive home from work, and never contacted him during the day. At night, I was always going somewhere or doing something else. Him eventually finding someone else to talk to during these times shouldn’t have come as any surprise. I talked to him for 45 minutes on the way home from work… just about nothing in particular. We had also sent messages back and forth throughout the day discussing getting the carpets cleaned.
The day will come when we can close the gap of division in all areas, but I feel like we’re off to a good start.
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