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Re: Day 30 - Not sure what to do

Day 30 - Not sure what to do

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  • I'm a little stumped on this dare.  I need to pray more about it, to figure out exactly what God wants me to work on when it comes to disunity in my marriage.  My husband and I are on Summer Break from college, and I went home to visit family for the a week or so, and I plan to go back for our firends wedding, which he's also going to.  He is leaving for a school band trip to Puerto Rico tomorrow, so if I were to discuss anything I would have to call or e-mail him.  The girl who he calls his "best friend" now is also going on this trip because she's part of the jazz band at our college too.  We (as in me and my husband's family) having been asking the Lord to put a wedge in their relationship on this trip.  He has answered our prayer in many ways, but I still think that this girl is one of the main things that have brought disunity in my marriage.  Before I left to drive home to my family, my husband served me papers the morning of the day I was planning to drive home.  Well, acutally he got one of his friends to come to the house and give them to me, which was a little embarassing.  But I still completed the previous dares (28 and 29) by giving my husband a care package for Puerto Rico.  I put sunscreen, chapstick, a kanteen waterbottle, an itunes card (music for the plane), M&M's (his favorite candy), and some caramel popcorn for the planeride.  I put a note inside that said "Thought you could use these things on you trip, I hope you have a great time, I'll be loving you always, Erin."  He texted me later that night while I was driving home, and asked me "Why do you continue to be nice to be when I hand you divorce papers, and tell you I don't want you in my life anymore."  I responded by saying, "I love you, and even if you continue to hurt me, I will still love you.  Nothing can change that."  After that whole day I truly feel the peace and rest in the Lord.  Why should I worry if I know God will take care of me no matter what happens.  Afterall, His Word says, "If you have faith, and do not doubt, all these things shall be given to you," so I refuse to worry or doubt.  I have learned through these past dares that I truly need to depend on the Lord, and ask Him to show me what I need to work on.  In the past my husband and I have had communication problems, where I would do most of the talking, and I would have to try and pull what he's really feeling out of him sometimes.  I need help in how to go about this dare when we are seperated, and my husband honestly wants nothing to do with me right now.  Especially because I'm spending time with my family, and his family, which I think he resents me for right now.  He feels that his family has replaced him with me, because they don't support his decision to leave me, and now his family is doing everything they can to help me, and to include me.  I can actually understand why he feels so bitter towards me, and rejected.  I'm sorry for the rambling, I'm just not sure what to do.  Any advice would be must appreciated.  I will dive into the Word and in prayer tonight. 

  • This is a tough dare. It is obvious about the other woman. But also what is in your heart? Is there anything in the past in your marriage that you did, that you never confessed to him or that you hurt him and never asked for forgiveness, or even forgiven him for something? That could be including this situation. We tend to say "well I am not forgiving him, because he is choosing to do this". Well a hard reality is, that we do not deserve Christs forgiveness for anything if we cannot forgive as He does.

    It is a hard pill to swallow but a true one. So, if you are not forgiving him right now, that is a major separation of oneness.

    Your testimony will convict him there is no doubt, Christ will make sure of that. But it must include a pure heart.

    If you have not read the appendix (whole thing) please take some time to do so.

  • I have read the entire appendix multiple times.  I'm still a little bit stuck.  But I will try and think of some things I've done in the past.  I have forgiven him for everything in my heart, but I haven't really voiced that to him.  Well, at one point, when my husband was wavering in his decision, and he was willing to work on our marriage, he asked me to forgive him, and I said I already have to him.  But that was the last time I said anything about forgiveness to him.  That was a couple months ago.  Things have changed a lot since then, but there is always hope.  Did you sense that I wasn't forgiving him?  I totally understand about sriving to have a heart more like Christ's, and I want that more than anything.  I know  I have to change, and I feel like I really am.  I still am a little confused, but thank you for the advice!

  • It is not that I was thinking you did not forgive him, it was more are you sure....

    And part of forgiveness is making it clear to the other... And let them know, that it is only by Gods grace you are able to.

    I am sure you are changing. This journey with Christ, it is hard not to. And look at these dares as a journey with Christ, not your husband. This is just the start of Christ molding you.

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