I haven't had internet access for a few days and then the huge snow storm came through central Illinois. I stayed with my grandparents to keep an eye on them and help shovel their drive way. Oh boy did that take a while and I am sore today!
Well, when I think about unity and our marriage I think about communication. I was always able to express myself and my feelings to my husband. I would get mad a lot about stupid things, but I would be able to talk to him eventually about it. However, my husband was never able to express his feelings and thoughts to me. Not sure if he was scared or didn't feel safe or didn't think I would care. My husband had said we never worked as a team. Without communication on his part, I am not able to work with him and sacrifice if necessary. I desire to be truly one with my husband. I know that we both want to same thing out of marriage and a relationship, but we didn't know how to go about it. I ask that God would provide us the tools and that we would be open to accepting those tools given.
To add a little more, a point of disagreement between my husband and I had always been him working too much. I always felt that he was putting work and his students before me. He didn't just have his main job, he would take on side jobs that took up his nights, which his main job did often. I let him know it bothered me and that I wanted his time. He learned a lot through these other job opportunities and he didn't do them as much when we first got married in his attempt to make me happy, but as he said it was never enough. Now, he is doing all the activities and more that he wanted to do before and is very happy.
I want God's will to be done in my husband's life and I wonder if his will is for my husband to be single and devote his life to his work and friends. That is what my husband believes right now. He believes he can do a lot of good for the theater world and wants to dedicate himself solely to them. I am still getting silence from him. We haven't talked for a month. He has been gone for three. I can't take anymore. I want him to make a decision. If he wants a divorce then he needs to do it and not keep me in limbo. I can move on, but being in limbo is horrible.
Please do not take this wrong. Your selfishness is coming out. The last 4 sentences say it all.
However, in the first post you said "I desire to be truly one with my husband. I know that we both want to same thing out of marriage and a relationship, but we didn't know how to go about it." There is only one way. Through Christ. And one of you have to be able to accept Christ and be molded by Him. And Praise God, that is you. Being on this journey, you are walking with Christ allowing Him to mold you in His image. He is preparing you for being that testimony.
And yes, the hardest part is the wait. We want everything now. But I promise, each and every hurt or hang-up is a blessing in disguise. Without them you can never be molded.
Continue your patience, Christ is working, including on him.
No offense taken. I know I was being selfish. It is a battle that I continue to go through. I get to the point that I can't take anymore and then beg God to give me his strength and peace and eventually that battle goes away until it hits next. Thank you for pointing it out. We all need to be held accountable.
There is no need to beg God. That is one of the greatest things we have in Him. Just ask. But also in this journey be willing to listen.
And since you realize your selfishness, commit it to prayer, ask for that guidance to submit to His will and not your desires.
I totaly get the limbo comment - not sure if you watched the movie but a great song that may help during this time is While I'm Waiting - by john Waller you can check it out on youtube. "I'm waiting on you lord, and I am hopefull though it is painful, but patiently I wait. And I am peacefull, though it is not easy, but faithfully I will wait!"