nights are the hardest for me. After my kids are finally asleep, I find myself wondering what to do. I don't like to do anything that would be noisy for risk of waking up my kids, so there's not much to do but watch TV or read. I don't mind either, but I miss the interaction I used to have with my husband, It was almost like a celebration every night when the kids were finally sleeping. We would watch our shows that we recorded or a movie or whatever, but we were always together in the evenings. We'd stay up till all hours of the night even if we had to be up super early. Many nights we'd fall asleep on the couch & wake up at 4am with the TV on & cuddled up underneath a blanket together. It wasn't much of an exciting life, but it was OUR life. And I can get through the days fine... but once the kids are sleeping I've been missing that interaction so much. I turn to prayer & it helps a lot. I guess I've been feeling impatient lately & I give it all up to the Lord in prayer but it's hard.
I am making conscience choices to stay out of contact with not only my husband, but also my in laws, unless initiated by them. I am making choices to stop talking about my husband at all. I am hoping these things will help me to stop thinking about him so much and help me put even more focus on God. I am amazed how much easier it was for me in the beginning when he first moved out & here we are almost 4 weeks later and I am having a bit harder time.
I am praying that God molds my heart. I pray for the patience & trust to accept everything that is happening is according to God's will.
He is molding you... In the past it was easier because there were other things that Christ needed to get done with you. Now, these times in missing comfort etc.. Christ is molding you to replace Him with those desires of the flesh. He is showing you how to put margin in your life for Him.
I feel you, completely. That's the thing I miss the most now, the interaction and how we used to be. Everything I initiate physically is met with reluctance. It's hard to deal with when you love someone and they don't return it.
Chad, I promise you. When you reconcile, if it is the way it used to be, something is wrong. This journey you are on is preparing you for expressing a love you never dreamed possible. And if the way it used to be was good enough, you would not be where you are now!
And think about it. Christ has loved you all this time, and you continued to reject His love as well. Think about that. Now, put Him first as it is to be, and watch what happens in your life.